The blood from a wounded heart is the perfect ink for prose.

When I am alone I am not lonely. When I am with someone and they are not there the loneliness creeps into my head and festers there...

I am a robot, thank-you, yes I am--a machine incapable of emotion. I think I was once human. Somewhere buried deep in my circuitry are the remnants of my human remains--charred and unidentifiable. Artificial blood surges through the plastic tubing that runs under my synthetic skin. My tears are a clever combination of French fry salt and a petroleum based lubricant. I have no need for tears other than to moisten my glass eyes—all the better see you with him my dear. Yes, I can see others interact—love—and the concept is foreign to me, like raking leaves with a garden hose. My unemotional and rational mind cannot make the connection so don’t worry about me. I can’t feel a damn thing. I am a robot, thank-you, yes I am--a machine incapable of emotion.

Thirty-two pounds. Thirty-seven pounds. Forty-two pounds. Forty-six pounds. We weighed you in the basement on the scale that I now have at the gym. I see it every day. I weigh myself on it at least five times a week and I just remembered that you stood on that scale many times but you never will again.

One hundred and eighty five pounds. One hundred and forty-eight pounds. One hundred and two pounds. Fifty-eight pounds. Twenty-six pounds. Zero pounds. We won’t be weighing you on the way down, kid. I’m sorry. I would have kept weighing you if I knew you were going to do this. If I thought it would have prevented this…

Remember how Goldie would play games with you while your dad and I were in the basement? She will be there tomorrow. I will be there tomorrow and it won’t mean a good goddamn. You’ll be there but you won’t be there. You’ll be in the basement on that scale, in my mind, in my heart, forever. So long kid…

Something. Nothing. Everything. I'm not sure which but I will let you know when I figure it out.

More problems at the gym. Some roided up felon punk refused to check in this morning. He started the old you don't know who I am bullshit when the desk attendant asked him to check in. He then threatened to beat up Bill the desk attendant. Now, Bill is big, a former Mr. Pennslyvania, Marine and cop. I will write more on this later...

You are a toad; a rough and dry creature. Skin cracking smiles spread slowly like novicaine under the bulges of your eyes. Your quick tongue darts after a fly--the fly of a former stripper lying in the weeds next to your hole. She's dead you nasty little Vander Sloot. Nothing but memories and maggots oozing from her mouth. Toads love maggots and have no attachment to memories...

I was working out around 4 PM this afternoon and I might add I was having one hell of a good workout. My body is responding like crazy to the reintroduction of carbohydrates in my diet. Body fat is still low and my weights are going up very quickly. Anyway, I had just finished some cambered bar bench presses and was gettting ready to do some seated log presses. I was walking back to the power rack and stumbled upon two muscle heads throwing words back and forth.

I said, "Come on break it up," and just as I did this the older of the two shoved the younger guy. My guess was the older guy was in his thirties and the younger guy was 18. I wedged myself inbetween them and said, "All right lets calm down." They were both mouthing back and forth and I could tell neither of them really wanted to get into it. They backed up from each other and continued to mouth back and forth. The scene was ridiculous and I found myself almost laughing.

After some conjoling and light pushing I finally got them apart from each other and then went back and set up my log press. When I was ready for my top set I went out front to get one of the desk workers to give me as spot and sure enough the two meat heads were back at it. I stepped inbetween them and said, "Come on guys this isn't the time or place. Everyone is staring at you." After some convincing I got them apart and the older guy left the gym. The younger guy called his dad on his cell phone which I thought was hilarious.

When he was done talking to his daddy I said, "Man it's nothing. Who cares? There's more important things in life to worry about." The younger guy said, "Yeah, but he pushed me." I said, "Let it go. It's not worth it. Trust me."

He continued to rant and rave and I finally convinced him how stupid the whole thing was. He thanked me and went back to his lifting and I went back to my log press. The important part of this story is that I got 5 more reps with twenty more pounds than I did last week on the log press. Thanks for getting my andrenaline going guys.

The the older guy came back to the gym later in the evening and apologized to me. I told him not to worry about it. I really didn't give a shit. It had nothing to do with me. I should have thanked him though for helping me drastically improve my lift from last week. I owe those guys...

I don't know why but I've been dreaming about you. The last two nights you crept back inside my head. I haven't even seen you in years but you were so real. Why have you come back to me now? I think you owe me an explanation. You can't just come waltzing back into my life like this. It hurts too goddamn much...

Getting ready for this bodybuilding contest on May 22 is the hardest thing I've done in my life. I get up at 5 AM and then go to the gym and do two hours and twenty minutes of cardio every morning. Then I have clients. I then go home and take a nap. Come back and lift four days a week and then have clients in the afternoon and night. I don't get out of the gym until 9. Yes, this includes weekends, although I usually get out of the gym by six on weekends. Oh, I also have to tan, which I hate and practice posing five times a week. To top it off I have insomnia so I am always tired. I can't wait to eat again!

I've been very busy. Three and a half weeks ago I decided to start personal training full-time. Coupled with the fact that I'm getting ready for my first bodybuilding contest in May I've had zero time to do anything else. I'm going to try to write on the blog more as things settle down.

We all run into punks once in a while. Actually, I see quite a few of them in the gym. You know the people, the ones who run their mouths like tough guys and get away with it time and time again. Well, sometimes its good to see one of these idiots pay for their big mouths: Epic Beard Man

If this shit doesn't piss you off then you are probably a far far right wing lunatic that has no empathy for your fellow human beings. I read this on The Huffington Post today. So, you don't want healthcare reform? Really? You want these insurance companies to deny you coverage when you get sick? These people are souless crooks. I'd like to meet some of these people in a dark alley...

Dear Lord Baby Jesus. I was looking at http://ugliesttattoos.com when I ran across a tattoo on a guy that said:Bitches don’t know about my Jenkem. Like you I didn’t know what Jenkem was so I clicked on the Wikipedia link to see what it was. Evidently it is fermented sewage that Zambian street children huff. It causes hallucinations. They are so poor and want to escape their terrible existence so much that they will inhale noxious sewage gas to get high. Wow. I purpose that we send them some high-grade LSD and maybe something to eat. No one should have to go to such lengths to get high.

Back to the tattoo. This tattoo is on the guy’s lower back and points to his ass crack. WTF? The tattoo looks like it was scribbled on him by an 80 year old alcoholic with delirium tremors. Maybe this guy didn’t know tattoos were permanent? One can only hope he gets that tattoo covered with something more appealing like Barney the purple dinosaur. Even that would be better….

In case there is another snow storm I built an igloo out of gallon jugs of milk. The inside is lined with loaves of bread. It’s actually quite toasty. No pun intended. I stocked up on these items even though I don’t eat them because in America it is the practice to have stuff so other people can’t have it. When the big rush for Milk and bread comes I will sell these items at ten times their normal price. I will become rich and then build an igloo out of one hundred dollar bills. Of course I will have to guard this igloo with anti-tank weapons and fifty caliber machine guns. I will be justified in killing to save my money igloo.

-I take great offense to people saying Sarah Palin is as dumb as a brick. She is nowhere near as bright as a brick and it does a disservice to bricks all over the world to compare their intelligence to hers. Bricks are structurally sound, rectangular, and they are consistent. Sarah Palin is none of these things…well, maybe her glasses are rectangular. That people identify with this idiot is very scary. I would have more faith in the human race if people identified more with actual bricks. Bricks are not stupid and they are not smart. They don’t pretend to be intelligent. In fact they don’t do anything. Maybe Sarah Palin should try doing nothing before she really fucks something up…

I’m not angry baby. It’s hard to get mad anymore. I used to have the fire because I cared but now I don’t give a shit. The world is a big greedy joke so I just try to laugh. Don’t let them fool you with ideals, it’s all bullshit. Trust me I’ve been there. Actually, I am there and I understand the futility of fighting the pigs in their own trough. The best I can do is laugh in their faces knowing how wrong they are. Its fucking beautiful to be enlightened. Try it. You’ll like it…

You know I'm all for giving underprivileged children a better life but these Baptists that got busted for abducting children deserve what they got. I'm tired of these religious loonies forcing their beliefs on people. Sure, they are offering to help these kids but it is a conditional offer. Why does religion have to be part of the deal? It's because they believe their beliefs are the "right" beliefs and that they should "save" everyone. They are using the disaster in Haiti to prey on children. They want to convert these children into Baptists. Sure, they'll give them food and shelter as long as they can brainwash them into believing what they believe. A truly humanitarian gesture would be for them to provide food and shelter for these children and find them parents that may not be religious but just the same would be excellent parents.

-Well, I guess the run on milk and bread has begun in lieu of the big snowstorm that is supposed to hit this weekend. I hope all the people in Harrisburg stocked up. I’m sure many of them are in danger of starving. Have you seen all the sickly thin people walking around? I’m sure they bought forty loaves of bread and 30 gallons of milk for their family of four. They can make a giant peanut butter and jelly sandwich and guzzle milk from a funnel as the snow falls. I think I’ll just jerk off. At least I'll be burning some calories…

-I want to choke Steve Jobs. My fucking I-Tunes won’t let me get to any of my music. I’ve spent a substantial amount of money on buying music from these fuckers and some glitch with their software has screwed up my library. Real nice security measures. They’re so damn afraid someone is going to get free music that they have totally screwed people like me who try to buy music.