-I take great offense to people saying Sarah Palin is as dumb as a brick. She is nowhere near as bright as a brick and it does a disservice to bricks all over the world to compare their intelligence to hers. Bricks are structurally sound, rectangular, and they are consistent. Sarah Palin is none of these things…well, maybe her glasses are rectangular. That people identify with this idiot is very scary. I would have more faith in the human race if people identified more with actual bricks. Bricks are not stupid and they are not smart. They don’t pretend to be intelligent. In fact they don’t do anything. Maybe Sarah Palin should try doing nothing before she really fucks something up…

I’m not angry baby. It’s hard to get mad anymore. I used to have the fire because I cared but now I don’t give a shit. The world is a big greedy joke so I just try to laugh. Don’t let them fool you with ideals, it’s all bullshit. Trust me I’ve been there. Actually, I am there and I understand the futility of fighting the pigs in their own trough. The best I can do is laugh in their faces knowing how wrong they are. Its fucking beautiful to be enlightened. Try it. You’ll like it…

You know I'm all for giving underprivileged children a better life but these Baptists that got busted for abducting children deserve what they got. I'm tired of these religious loonies forcing their beliefs on people. Sure, they are offering to help these kids but it is a conditional offer. Why does religion have to be part of the deal? It's because they believe their beliefs are the "right" beliefs and that they should "save" everyone. They are using the disaster in Haiti to prey on children. They want to convert these children into Baptists. Sure, they'll give them food and shelter as long as they can brainwash them into believing what they believe. A truly humanitarian gesture would be for them to provide food and shelter for these children and find them parents that may not be religious but just the same would be excellent parents.

-Well, I guess the run on milk and bread has begun in lieu of the big snowstorm that is supposed to hit this weekend. I hope all the people in Harrisburg stocked up. I’m sure many of them are in danger of starving. Have you seen all the sickly thin people walking around? I’m sure they bought forty loaves of bread and 30 gallons of milk for their family of four. They can make a giant peanut butter and jelly sandwich and guzzle milk from a funnel as the snow falls. I think I’ll just jerk off. At least I'll be burning some calories…

-I want to choke Steve Jobs. My fucking I-Tunes won’t let me get to any of my music. I’ve spent a substantial amount of money on buying music from these fuckers and some glitch with their software has screwed up my library. Real nice security measures. They’re so damn afraid someone is going to get free music that they have totally screwed people like me who try to buy music.

-Back when I started lifting weights in gyms they were places were people worked hard. Some of the gyms were dirty and cramped and had carpet that was ripped and held together by duct tape. The music was loud and people grunted and clanged weights. These gyms were privately owned. And then something happened. Ten years ago or so these small gyms started to be pushed out by large corporate owned gyms. These gyms had lots of shiny new machines and cardio contraptions. The small gyms started to close because they couldn’t keep up with the money these behemoths had. Gone are a lot of the gyms where you could sweat and swear. Gyms now have rubber-coated plates so the clanking of heavy plates doesn’t disrupt the “fitness” crowd. Gyms are geared towards people that don’t want to put in the time and effort to change themselves. They are places that are made to be comfortable and easy. Strength and physique changes never come about easily and what these gyms are selling is a lie. You can’t sit your fat ass down on a machine for five minutes and tug on a little cable contraption and see significant change.

I hear jackasses in the gym I work out in complain about the gym being dirty or that the water fountain is broken for a day. Unless there was a body on the ground I probably wouldn’t even notice any dirt on the ground. The reason is because I’m focused on my workout. I’m working too hard to give a fuck whether a treadmill glistens when the sun hits it or whether someone spit shined the upholstery on a leg press machine. These people don’t belong in gyms but the corporate pricks want them because they are the ones who pay for memberships and then never come to the gym. They are the people that want to believe they are being “healthy” but are in fact lazy couch potatoes.

I would love to open a gym with real iron weights where I could play music loud and drop 600 pound deadlifts on the floor without getting dirty looks from some jerk in a tight spandex uni-tard giving me dirty looks. I just might do that….

-Well, I’m down thirteen pounds since starting my pre-contest diet. I am currently doing 45 minutes of cardio at 6:30 AM every day of the week. Four days a week I am lifting weights in the early evening. So, far my strength is still good. I am going for 15 reps with 425 in deadlift today. We’ll see how it goes.

I need to start practicing posing soon. I’ve been putting it off but I don’t want to look like an idiot on stage. The whole little underwear on stage thing isn’t really my idea of fun but it doesn’t bother me either. I really don’t give a shit what people think.

On the way to work this morning I stopped at the drug store to get some medicine for my sinuses. It was to be a quick stop. I would grab what I needed, run to the register and be back on the road before my car had cooled one degree. This would have worked if I wouldn't have gotten in a line behind a woman who was writing a CHECK! Who in the hell writes checks anymore? Especially when there is a line of people behind them--all on their way to work--who don't have time to piss around?

This woman not only wrote a check but she messed around with some damn coupon or something and chatted and distracted the cashier so the whole process took ten minutes. Everyone behind her was growing annoyed and she continued to chat away oblivious to anyone but herself. It was clear she wasn't in a hurry and that's probably because she had extra time leftover after skipping breakfast. She was about as wide as a pencil.

All I ask is for people to be cognizant and considerate of others. Is it that damn hard?

It was once thought that the earth was the center of the universe until Copernicus formulated heliocentric cosmology. I would like to propose a similar formula and that is that no human is the center of the universe! Use your brains people, stop getting caught up in your mundane bullshit and think about others. The universe is bigger than you. Oh, and get a damn Visa debit card...

-I left for the gym yesterday from my house at 6:15. It was still dark outside and then wind was blowing hellishly. I made the turn to go onto the road my gym is on when all of a sudden I saw a big black case on the road. I saw it only for a moment but I swear it was a tuba case. There was no time to stop and I plowed over it. I looked in my rear view mirror but saw nothing. When I got to the gym I checked my bumper for damage and thankfully there was none. On the way home I looked for the tuba case but it wasn’t there and then it occurred to me, it might have been the case of a ghost tuba. Scary isn’t it?

I was flipping through the newspaper this morning when I ran across the obituaries. I glanced at them to see if there was anyone I knew and happened upon an obituary that was extremely long. I thought maybe there would be some interesting tidbit in it but there wasn’t. It was a huge list of relatives with nothing particularly interesting about the individual listed. Maybe the person was boring. I don’t know but what I do know is that not many people outside the immediate family are interested to whom this person was related to. It’s a waste of space. When I go they can write, “He died. Let’s move on.”

Well, it had to happen. It looks so creamy, in fact just like whipped cream. My grandfather ate shaving cream for breakfast the other morning. I've gotten shaving cream in my mouth while shaving and it really is pretty disgusting. I can't imagine actually wolfing the stuff down like Cool Whip off the top of a Sunday.

They are thinking of putting my grandfather in the Alzheimer's unit so he gets more supervision. I'm thinking that might be a good idea...

-Muggsy and I are making good progress on our children's book. I am converting one of my upstairs rooms into a studio for us to work in. It used to be the smoking and drinking room but we both decided to give up cigars. Damn, why does everything fun have to be bad for you? Anyway, we also have several other ideas for projects that we are starting too work on so that we can move right from this book to the next. I can ‘t say when the first book will be done but I hope it will be done by the fall.

I am happy but bored. Yes, the two can exist quite nicely side by side. I search for that which will excite my mind and keep me from wanting to scramble reality with substances. The world around me is too vanilla and I must find new ways to entertain myself. Television is not an option as I find it has little to offer in the way of creative thinking. Why can other people be happy going to work, coming home, eating dinner and watching TV? That scenario threatens to explode every fiber of my being. I would die before I would fall into that pattern. So, please help save me. Give me some ideas so that I might not be bored. Thank you…

When I grow old I will not give up. I will not let my eyebrows, nose hair and ear hair get unruly. I will not walk through a locker room naked and not give a shit. I will continue to work out and refuse to wear pastels. I will bath regularly and never ever use mothballs in my house. I will brush my teeth and chew with my mouth closed. I will not let my mind wander or my wit to dim. If it does I will put a new hole in my head suitable for passage by any meandering sparrow…

You lied. You said she knew and she didn’t know. I could tell by the blank stare on her face at breakfast the other morning when I mentioned your letter. What sort of world do you live in? It must be a place constructed of bullshit and fragile sticks—an adobe crap shack. Nothing in there is real. It is all a stinking lie. What a pitiful existence…

Last night started out like many of my nights in the gym. I had worked out, trained a co-worker and was heading back to the squat rack with the hockey player I train when I was unexpectedly and brutally assaulted. By whom you ask? Well, there was more than one of them and one of them was invisible. No, I’m not crazy…let me rephrase that, my mind is of a different mold. Happy? Good, I shall proceed. The duo that unleashed this horrible attack on my being was really a beast with two heads. A most vile and unfathomably vicious Nehebkau like beast that was more ferocious than anything I could have imagined.

I threw my hand over my nose. Tears ran from my eyes. “By god man do you smell that?”

My client looked at me and the panic in his eyes told me he had. “I have a cold but I can still smell it.”

There in front of us was a rather dumpy individual doing deadlifts and he wasn’t alone. With him was an odor that emanated from him and which I don’t know if I can adequately describe with words but I will try. He smelled like a mixture of a giant hamster cage that hadn’t been cleaned in three years, a knocked over outhouse and concentrated Medieval body odor.

My client and I dashed across the gym to escape this man and his odor but it seemed to follow us like some sort of demon possessed cloud. I saw my life flash in front of my eyes as my head spun and my stomach heaved. People around us were hiding their mouths and noses under their shirts and giving us dirty looks. My worst fears had come true. The stink had stuck to us.

My client and I made for the other side of the gym but still the smell followed us, clinging to us like a starving squirrel on a bag of peanuts. Everywhere we ran people covered their mouths and noses. Some screamed and several fainted. My client ran out the front door and I was left standing in the middle of the gym surrounded by the most ungodly smell ever whiffed by a human being.

The gym was in complete chaos and no one seemed to notice that the dumpy guy was moving towards me and the smell was growing worse. He stared straight at me and began to remove his clothing. I gasped, frozen in my spot, unable to take my eyes off the car wreck that was his body. By the time he was ten feet from me he was in only his stained jockstrap.

Suddenly I snapped out of it. “It’s him; behold the man and his smell.”

Eyes grew large and silence engulfed the gym. The dumpy guy stopped and looked around him. He realized the gig was up. He and his smell had been discovered. There was nothing to do but run and run he did. He ran straight out of the gym leaving his stinky clothing behind.

A Hazmat team was called in and the clothing removed. Several gym members had to be hospitalized with extreme nausea but not deaths by stink were reported. The gym will be closed for two weeks while a team of professionals scours every inch of the gym. As I write this on my laptop I am bathing in a bathtub full of tomato juice. I also threw in several cans of Clamato juice because I like to roll like that…

If you haven't checked this website out then go to it. People are just embarrassing. What possess people to get these things permanently drawn on their bodies?
Ugliest Tattoos

I want to go out with the last gear stretched and the horizon blurred—my tank heading towards empty and everything behind me. I want to disintegrate into greatness and my particles to twinkle between the stars. I want to be one with eternity and my memory to swirl in the Milky Way…

-If the time comes when I can’t speak and my mind is beyond repair and I languish in my own spit like some sort of gutter trout I want you to pull the goddamn plug. If the thousands of dollars that are keeping me “alive” could be used to save a little kid with cancer then save the little bastard and turn the lights out on me. I’ve lived a good life and I won’t leave this place regretting anything. If there is an afterlife I don’t want to feel guilty for all eternity because I sucked up the resources that could be used to save someone else. Now, if that someone else happens to be a dictator or some sort of money grubbing capitalist pig then keep me wired up for eternity. Those cocksuckers don’t deserve life and I won’t be part of saving their sorry asses. Let them writhe in pain like they would have the less fortunate do and DO NOT give my organs to one of these bastards. Give my organs to someone that is less fortunate. Give life to someone that is a good person. Do not give life to someone just because they have more money...

I haven’t been writing much on the blog lately due to the holidays and also to the amount of time I have been spending in the gym. This weekend I start cutting down for my bodybuilding contest on May 22. I also haven’t been writing because I haven’t been able to concentrate. I think I have a sinus infection and my sinuses are constantly making my eyes tired and I feel like I want to fall asleep all the time. Even as I vow to write I feel my eyes closing…zzzzz….