I am black like smoke. I can seep under the crack of your door and float up to your ceiling. There my dark soul will hover staring at your naked beauty. No, I will not ogle like a pervert. In my pants my pecker will stay. I will be more like an observer of fine art. Like eying up a Van Gho or Picasso.

Luch happy about Christmas in Iraq

So, let me get this straight. We are going to give China money so that they cut greenhouse gas emissions. Uh and where is this money going to come from? We are going to borrow money from the Chinese and then give it to them? So, we will be paying interest on money that we gave them? The Chinese devalue their currency and pay their workers slave wages so they can have cheaper prices than anyone else. They are gaming the system. I’m sorry but if we owe them a trillion dollars they are not a developing country. They should be giving other countries money to help them cut greenhouse emissions. They also took a shitload of money to develop windmills and so forth. It’s time they started spending their own money and stopped devaluing their currency so we owe them money. They are going to make the dollar become worthless.

-I was human once but now I am anything but. You see the last of what was once me has been drained from my soul. Where did it go? I don’t know for sure but I do know that it isn’t there anymore. Where there was light there is now only darkness. Where there was once hope there is now only dread. I am empty and I am dying. I am a monster. Save me my dear…

-I sit on the futon typing on my laptop. Around me are notebooks, books, beer bottles, cigar rings, and ash trays filled with ash. A cigar is smoldering in one of the ash trays that looks like a banana. This is where I was meant to be--my mind secluded. Yes, I am alone. Removed from what “normal” people call life; TV, family, responsibility. I ask myself if this was a choice and as much as it was I am convinced it has also been a product of my destiny. Not self-fulfilling mind you but rather something less controllable, something with great reward and yet something that is slowly breaking me down. I just hope there is enough of me left to make it to the finish line. You see the creative mind is self-destructive and while it is driven to create it to is also driven to destroy itself. So please give me hope. Please give me time so that this journey will have been worthwhile because I have nothing else.

- Johnny Cash – I See a Darkness

Well you’re my friend
And can you see
Many times we’ve been out drinking
Many times we’ve shared our thoughts
But did you ever
Ever notice the kind of thoughts I got
Well you know I have a love
A love for everyone I know
And you know I have a drive to live
I won’t let go
But can you see its opposition
Comes rising up sometimes
That it’s dreadful and position
Comes blacking in my mind

And that I see a darkness
And that I see a darkness
And that I see a darkness
And that I see a darkness
Did you know how much I love you
Is the hope that somehow you can save me from this darkness

Well I hope someday buddy we have peace in our lives
Together or apart
Alone or with or wives
And we can stop our whoring
And pull the smiles inside
And light it forever
And never go to sleep
My best darn beaten brother
This isn’t all I see

All know I see a darkness
All know I see a darkness
All know I see a darkness
All know I see a darkness


Did you know how much I love you
Is the hope that somehow you can save me from this darkness

I keep thinking which keeps me drinking which leaves me sinking deeper into your past. I tried kicking it all baby, giving up the brain to spite the booze but even without thought my lips went searching for the bottle. They took me places I would have never gone. When they were greased good they would say things to other women that my mind would have never approved of. I am innocent in thought. Trust me my lips are to blame…

Okay, here are some things I want for Christmas. Feel free to buy me any of these items. Thank-you.

1.Twilight Zone: The Complete Definitive Collection (1959)

2.Laptop

3. Fatbar

4. True Protein Gift Certificates

Okay, our leaders really need to listen to us. This is not a partisan rant. It is a rant against ALL politicians. Seventy-five percent of Americans want a public health care option. Our leaders are not listening to us. Even senators in areas where citizens have expressed a higher than seventy-five percent approval for health care reform are voting against health care reform because of special interests. These jackasses are ignoring us more blatantly then ever. How will it benefit us to have health care costs continue to rise? Part of health care reform is putting regulations on these corrupt health care insurers. I know for one I don’t want to pay more for health insurance and get less and less coverage which is exactly what’s happening. I read that by 2015 an average of twenty-thousand dollars will be spent for health insurance by your average family. I think we need to take back our government. These asses are bleeding us dry.

-The electric snap of this cerebral trap, the one that keeps jolting me back to reality. This malady, a portion of my being that is seeing only the horse blinders you placed on my head—my eyes sideways for you. Nothing in front of me. Nothing behind me. This life compartmentalized and I am demoralized thinking of what is going on off to the sides. Out of sight but not out of mind. I want to bind with the sticky sweet essence of all your memory but I am sliding on this slippery plane back down into nothingness.

-Pretend you’re having fun. Don’t let them know you’re dying inside. Smile so they can see your teeth but don’t open your mouth enough so that they can see your soul sliding down. When the decay gets too bad and they start to notice the holes patch them with putty and paint your skin with whiteout. Stand against a white wall and observe life pass you by. Eventually you will be one with nothing.

Sorry I haven’t been posting as much lately. I have been working on my book and several other projects. My good friend Muggsy has agreed to work on some illustrations for my Burma Ludlow book and has started sketching. We are also talking about collaborating on a children’s book and have a preliminary idea for that too. There are also several other projects we are talking about collaborating on. Expect some good things to come. We both needed a kick in the ass to move forward and we are motivating each other to do just that.

-Confidence. I must have confidence. This is what the self-help books tell me. No, I’ve never read one but I have read the back cover of several and that’s what a lot of them said. So, I tell myself I’ve got confidence and after a while I really start to believe it. I start to walk with a swagger and I wink at pretty women. I call the waitresses sweetie and I drink my beer with my pinky sticking out. I grow out my hair and fill in the divots with special spray paint hair and I believe I look good and everyone starts to think I look good. I let my weight go and I fart in public but I have style and I’m sure no one gives a damn because I’m so charismatic. I am morphing I am changing. I am becoming you…

I was reading the paper and I did something I rarely do. I turned to the editorial page. Now, I should have just closed the paper and walked away but I couldn’t. There is something about the stupidity of the majority of the people that write to the editor that both angers me and inexplicably draws me in.

The first letter to the editor that I read was from a guy that was disputing global warming. He claimed that the environmentalists had lied and cost the US manufacturing jobs, had caused fuel prices to rise, and were somehow responsible for senior citizens getting their Medicare benefits cut. Uhm, okay. First of all can anyone give me a good explanation why scientists would make up the problem of rising temperatures on earth? Really, what do scientists have to gain by saying global warming will, if left unchecked, destroy our world?

I know damn well what the anti-climate control crowd’s agenda is. The higher ups want no regulation so they can make more money. They don’t give a fuck if it could possibly end life on earth. They just want to be able to buy a $10,000 shower curtain.

If we use green sources of energy it will create jobs. Wouldn’t it be nice to not be dependent on foreign oil and invest in green jobs here in the United States? Controlling climate change is not destroying jobs in the United States. Greed of the higher ups is killing jobs in the United States. More and more of the money from companies goes to those at the top until there is nothing left for those at the bottom. Then they move the company to a country where there are no regulations or labor laws and even more money goes to the pigs at the top. Irresponsible and greedy business models are what have killed manufacturing in the United States not regulations on greenhouse gas emissions and other pollution.

So, let me play devil’s advocate. Let’s say global warming is a farce. Do you think it would be good to let these companies run unchecked? Do you as a human being want to breath in all this shit even if it wasn’t causing global warming?

I think I will stick on the side of the scientists whose only agenda is to save the world. EVERY credible scientist--not those paid by the Bush administration to spread lies—agrees there is a climate problem here on earth and that we need to fix it. So, what I want to ask these “non-believers” is why? Why the hell would scientists make this up? You can’t possibly have a good answer because there are none.

-I’ve got to go now. You’ll understand better when the sun rises and the booze wears off. All the answers you ever wanted from me will be found on my hard drive—where my soul is reproduced in print. All right I will hold you for now but I left my feelings in your underwear drawer where I found that note. No, I wasn’t going to wear your underwear or even sniff them. I was looking for the note. Somehow I knew it was there. No, don’t do that. Don’t unzip…okay, one more time but remember I’ll be gone in the morning…

-I wait for her call. I wait to fall. Somehow, someway, it will go bad. It is how the world goes for me. I think maybe this time things will be different but deep down I know some things were never meant to be in my life. It was fun for a moment and then it was nothing. Yes, this is a preemptive strike, a protective dike I build to stop the flood waters from coming and drowning me. I know it is no way to live but…wait, there is a text on my phone: “You’re a really nice guy but I am really busy now and I don’t have time to pursue a relationship. Take care.” I respond. “I’m busy too with work and training and writing and misadventure. I don’t have time for time. It is better this way.”

Tiny words and getting smaller, infinitesimal even. So small I can't even hear them when they reach my ears. They only sound like ants picking dirt from their toenails. What was it you said? Can you repeat it? Can you move closer? Maybe we can trade thoughts via ESP since your words are falling on deaf ears...

I've got this sinking feeling. I've got this drinking feeling. I want it to all go away. The pain of the unkown is full grown and chewing at my seams. I am a fish out of water. I am a car without an air freshner. I'm a plane without wings. I'm crashing and burning...

Tomato Sniper Nearly Takes out Sarah Palin

Tomato Sniper Apprehended

-Oh and an updated on t he laser stink eye guy. I was standing at the front desk at the gym last night when he came in with his girlfriend. I held my ground and gave him the super atomic laser stink eye. He wouldn’t even look my way. Ha! Who has the superman powers now Mr. Toucan nose?