That was then

Neil wore a dirty lime green turtleneck and checkered pants. I don’t remember him wearing any other clothes.

He looked like a plump Howdy Doody without the red coloring. He smelled bad like a bag lady that was lying under a bridge in a heap of trash for a week using her dogs as warmth. Other kids didn’t like the way he smelled. He didn’t have any friends. Neil didn’t talk much but he did smile some.

His hair was combed over and cemented to his head with dirt and grease and water. I didn’t realize at first that Neil was very poor and I didn’t care and I still don’t care. I wore checkered pants too. I believed in God like I did Santa Clause then and I was pretty sure he’d forgotten about Neil.

I remember having lost my favorite pen and when I saw Neil with the identical pen I just knew he had stolen it. All I could do was focus on the pen. I took Neil’s pen. Several days later I was cleaning out my desk and I found my pen. I was too ashamed to give Neil his pen back.

One day I was driving with my parents and they pointed out a house that was leaning to the right. The paint job on it sucked. I was sure it was haunted. My dad told me that Neil lived there and that his house had dirt floors and no running water. His older siblings had to shower in the mornings at the high school where my dad was principal. I knew then that Neil wasn’t just poor he was POOR.

One day at recess a kid as big as a teacher was shoving Neil up against the wall. Neil was crying and it pissed me off. I told the big kid to knock it off. I was little but I had big shoes. I belted the bully on the shin and he started to cry. I’m pretty sure Neil smiled. This started my career as the guy who took on the bullies. No one ever thought I would win but like I said I had big shoes.

I wish I could say we became friends after that but that wasn’t what happened. I don’t know if we ever spoke after that but I do remember driving by his house with my parents and one day it was burned to the ground. I’m pretty sure Neil and I are even now. No, I know we are but still I should have given him his pen back.