-Only a few know why I write. It is a secret from my past. It is why I fought and it is why I am alone. It is why I drink and why I hide away. It is why I care and why I don’t. Don’t try to guess because you will always be wrong. I would never tell anyone who would ask. It is why I write. It is a secret from my past…

-I’m sure most of you that have seen me recently have noticed the can of green beans I am wearing around my neck on a gold chain. This isn’t working out. The can keeps falling in my food and is causing my neck to cramp. So, last night I took a bunch of green bean labels and sewed a pair of underwear out of them. Yes it is symbolic and it is itchy as hell and terribly uncomfortable but for her I will wear them. Every time I take a step and get chaffed I think of her which is cool because I really dig her. How many guys would go through this torture for a woman? That’s right I’m doing it for a woman. Woops, maybe I’ve said too much. At any rate ladies please contact me and vote yeah or nay as to whether this is romantic or not. Maybe I’m off base with this one but I don’t think so. How could a woman resist a gesture like this? I know it’s beyond me too…

Rap Album

In other news my workout partner Big Todd and I have decided to collaborate on a rap album. Admittedly, Todd is a better rapper than me but I’m working on my rhyming and I have come up with some fat…(wait Todd corrected me) Phat beats that I think will go nicely with his words. Look for that to come out in the next 3-5 years. Yes, Billie and Judy you can be in the video but you will have to shake your booties and wear very short glittery gold shorts. Any women that want to be cast as a ho in our video contact me. I will interview you personally and will have to check for firmness in various parts of your anatomy. Oh, and any white guy friends that want to be cast as bad guys that get killed in the video contact me too. Thanks everyone and peace out…

Todd Deadlift - 500 x 10 - He did it for two sets

The Progression of My Beard

I actually had an okay workout Sunday despite the weekend Muggsy and I had. I promised Muggsy I wouldn't give any details about the Bunny Ranch or I would have another great story to tell. I managed to sleep on the plane on the way back. The new thing on planes is giving you IV's. They have nurses on board who administers them. I had two on the way back with a mild sedative and when we landed I felt like I'd had a very restful weekend. This is the only way to fly. I will use this airline again.

Also, I have a new Burma Ludlow story that I will post tomorrow. I'm getting some Burma stories to send out for publication and am full bore into my Burma book again.

I wear my heart on my sleeve, a gaudy accessory I readily admit; better suited for the cavity of my chest. Maybe I should move it, put it under my baseball hat or carry it in a man purse. No, fuck the man purse, it goes under the hat. How will it change me and what will it matter? This heart, this useless accessory. I think I’ll just throw it in the trash and let the rats dine well. I have no need for it now. Many people get along fine without one…

The Study

I participated in a university study. They gave me two hundred dollars which I spent on beer but that is beside the point. Actually, the study was more of an experiment. Don’t be alarmed, they assured me I would come out better than new and besides what’s done is done. With electricity and a new designer drug they erased my memory of YOU. Now, I don’t know who YOU are but I am starting to have second thoughts about what I’ve done. I wake up at night sweating and dreaming a dream that is gray and dull and empty. I am alone and talking to someone but she isn’t there. Yes, I’m sure it is a she. I don’t know how I know but I know. Whoever YOU are please contact me if you think you are YOU. I want to know why I erased your memory. I want to know again what we had. I want my dreams filled again and this can only be done with YOU.

For a time I quit drinking in college because I was getting in too many fights and generally being an ass. So I decided to exclusively smoke pot. I used to grow it in the closet of my dorm room. I got the seeds from a friend in my Spanish class. He had brought the purple haze seeds back from a trip to Amsterdam. The incense were always burning because you could smell it when you walked in the room. Eventually the plants got so big I couldn’t put clothes in the closet. Then they outgrew the closet and a decision had to be made. Harvest it all and kill my babies or transplant it. I decided on the latter and searched the West Virginia countryside until I found a suitable spot in an isolated spot of the woods near the lake. Every week or so I would go out and harvest. One day I went out to my spot and there was a pickup truck parked there. I panicked. Before I could get back in my car an old geezer with a shotgun emerged from where my plants were.

He pointed the gun at me. “What are you doing back here?”

I stared easing back. “Uh, I just stopped to take a piss.”

His arms shook. I was afraid he would accidentally shoot me. “You damn college kids come out here to steal my stuff.”

Now, stupidly I was pissed. “Your stuff?”

He squinted. “That’s right my stuff.”

He moved and the gun went off. Luckily he was aiming over my head. It was a 16 gauge double barrel and he had blown both barrels. I sprinted to my car, jumped in and drove off. And so ended my pot growing days.

Steve Floor Press - 110's x 12

Todd hitting his Triceps Again

Steve Floor Press - Warm up

Big Todd showing off with tiny dumbbells again

From Muggsy's I-Phone

Muggsy - Buddy that was awesome(pertaining to our night at the diner after the strip club. Read below), the nice thing about the burgers is they were still warm from being in your pocket when we ate them in the minnisota airport terminal restroom during our layover on our way to the bunny ranch to attend the retirement party of the star whore in residence while Larry Craig tried to solicit sexual favors from us by playing footsies at the hand dryer. Good times.

My response-I don't think that was Larry Craig but who knows? I think he was surprised when you urinated on his leg. No, I take that back. I know he was surprised. Ha ha, good times. And yes it was weird that so many hours later the burgers would be warm. They were still fairly fresh six hours later...

A partial list of songs Muggsy and I listened to on the way to the diner from the strip club. I can't remember them all. Not that anyone cares. I just thought I'd let you know...

The Black Lips – Starting Over
The Ramones – Somebody Like Me
Jay Reatard – You Mean Nothing to Me
John Frusciante – The Past Recedes
Weezer – The Greatest Man That Ever Lived
Ludacris - Get Back
The Exploited - Fuck the System

My Thoughts

In the deep end where the gray things lurk and the fish all swim on their backs this is where you will find my thoughts submerged. You can pull them up with a hook and rope and scrub them clean with Clorox but it won’t do any good. They are barely breathing. Their insides are bad, rotting, dying. There is only one person with the expertise to save them and she has already forgotten I exist…

Something To Believe - by the Ramones

I wish I was someone else
I'm confused, I'm afraid, I hate the loneliness
And there's nowhere to run to
Nothing makes any sense, but I still try my hardest

Take my hand
Please help me man
'Cause I'm looking for something to believe in
And I don't know where to start
And I don't know where to begin, to begin

If I was stupid or naive
Trying to achieve what they all call contentness
If people weren't such dicks and I never made mistakes
Then I could find forgiveness

Take my handPlease help me man
'Cause I'm looking for something to believe in
And I don't know where to start
And I don't know where to begin, oh no

I can't be someone else
I don't feel that it's hopeless
I don't feel that I'm useless

I can't throw it all away
I need some courage to find my weakness
And with your love, I know with all my heart I can win

'Cause I'm looking for something to believe in
And I just need something to believe in
I'm looking for something to believe in
And I just need something to believe in

Half Full of Something

I realize now I mean nothing to someone which is something in its own right. I mean everything has a positive side if you just drink enough and don’t think too deeply. See, I’m an optimist. The glass is half fucking full! Well, that’s because I drank the other half and it was full of scotch.