I went out with someone new. She didn’t believe me when I told her I once that I caught a fly with chopsticks like Mr. Myagi from the Karate Kid move. This is the truth. Maybe the fly was one of those flat lazy turd eaters but I caught him fair and square.

Anyway, she turned out to be very sarcastic (which I liked) and wouldn’t let me pay for the bill. She insisted we split it and told me she doesn’t want anyone to take care of her. She asked me if I had a problem with that and I said, “Hell no.”

She told me she never gets embarrassed but when I put in my fake hillbilly teeth (I always carry them in my pocket) and hung on her arm like I was mentally challenged she nearly had a heart attack. She then admitted that maybe she does get embarrassed. I have that affect on people. I’m not supposed to wear the teeth anymore when we go out.

We went to Benihana and the habatchi chef got very irritated with me because I didn't have my plate up against the grill on several occasions. He sucked anyway. He couldn't catch the baby corn in his hat when he flipped it up. What a grump...we had fun anyway.