Last night I broke open a bottle of bourbon my good friend gave me for my 30th birthday. Yes, I kept the bottle for ten years and I’m aware that bourbon in the bottle doesn’t age but I kept it for the hell of it. Anyway, I sat on my deck and forced down several drinks until the world around me started to lose its edge. It was damn hot and as I became more and more intoxicated I began to remover articles of clothing until ¾ of the way through the bottle I was completely naked. No one could see me because I have a security wall surround my compound which by the way is topped with razor wire. The only way people can see me is if I stand on the table on my deck which is what I did around 9:00 PM. Unfortunately, a group of neighborhood women were taking a walk and spotted me. They screamed and I threw the empty bottle at them. I lost my footing and fell off the table hitting my head. The next thing I know I’m waking up in the hospital handcuffed to a hospital bed. After filling out some paperwork for the hospital and police station I was released. Today when those damn women take their walk I will release the attack Chihuahuas on them…