A word from Burma Ludlow

Some goddamn Nancy tried to sell me a bundle of flowers while I was waiting for my contact on the corner of Market and Second yesterday afternoon. He was wearing a suit that looked like it was made of burlap and he had a smile on his face that was centered around teeth so white they hurt my eyes to look directly at them.

“Get those goddamn petunias out of my face,” I said.

He stuffed flowers in my face. “There not petunias and you will go to hell for treating me like this. The profits from these flowers all go to God.”

I grabbed the flowers and crushed them in my hand. “I’m already in hell and besides God told me they use Tootsie Pops as currency in heaven. Now scram before I replant those flowers somewhere on your body.”

He stepped in my face and I dropped him cold. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not religiously intolerant. I just don’t give a good goddamn about your god so don’t try to force him on me or we’re going to have problems.

--Private Detective Burma Ludlow

The beard is gone

Okay, I got rid of the beard. It made me feel too crusty. It is nice to know that in over a little weeks time I can get a nice face full of hair. At least I have that going for me.

I'm growing a beard

I’m growing a beard. I haven’t shaved in over a week. If you saw me on the street you might have to do a double take to recognize me. Soon, the me as you know as me will be obscured behind my beard and I will sink into anonymity. I will watch you much as a peeping tom does from behind a row of American Arborvitae and you’ll never know I was there.

Get out of my world

It’s good to distract with the little things, with the big things, with anything so you don’t notice the bad things. You see the bullshit is getting to me again—the liars, the cheats, the scum. I’m thinking of starting my own world but first I need a good planet. I can’t pay cash but I will mortgage it against my house. I will search the classifieds today and tomorrow and the next day until I find a nice used one at a good price and when I do I will set about fixing it up. I will tear down the old infrastructure, murderer the greedy, castrate the heartless and scrub the skies of pollution. I will build the city with books and ban televisions from airing “Reality TV” and movies based on cartoons from the 70’s. I will ask people to think, to be kind, to not swerve in front of me in their hydrogen powered car because if you do I will send you right back to this hell hole.

For quite some time I lacked the motivation to continue my blog. I feel like I need the outlet again though and am going to try to post regularly. There was just so much other crap going on but then that’s just what it is CRAP and I let it take up my time. So, starting now I’m taking back my blog and my life and I'm kicking my addictions to toaster pastries, Internet porn, opiates, reality TV, chewing tobacco and fried chicken. Thank-you, you’ve been most kind listening to my rant. Take care and remember you’re never alone if you have a split personality…

Burma 13 Weeks

Burma 13 weeks