My answers might not always be popular but they will be true. So if you’re afraid of the truth then don’t ask. Live with your head in the sand. See if I fucking care…
Dear Ker,
Why is it that my husband has to buy ONE present at Christmas, but I have to buy all 198 others?
Signed,
Santa’s abused helper
Dear Santa’s Abused Helper,
Obviously your husband is a lazy jerk off and doesn’t appreciate the many long hours you put in making his home nice and comfy while simultaneously working and doing ALL the Christmas shopping. (Gee I gleaned a lot from the one sentence question didn’t I?) What I would do to get back at him is quite simple. For his mother, father, sister’s brothers, etc. I would buy the shittiest gifts possible. For example, for his mother I would give her an orange hunting hat and matching vest. For his father I would go to the Dollar Store and buy him a set of Hansel and Gretel salt shakers. For his sister I would buy a bra as big as a hammock, yes, even though she is only a B-cup. I think you get the point here. What you want to do is buy the most awful gifts possible so that your husband is embarrassed beyond belief. Next year he’ll be begging you to let him go shopping. I think this should solve your problem.
Kerouaced
4 comments:
Ah yes, the old broken dishes trick.
"Honey, will you do the dishes tonight?"
"Sure, sweetie!"
*crash smash boom*
"Sweetie, you want me to do the dishes again?"
"NO!"
you're a goddamn genius.
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