Okay, this could be one for the Observation in Miniature series that I’ve done in the past but I think in its bizarreness this topic deserves a separate forum. What am I talking about? Follow me into my gym Wednesday night.
So, I walk into the gym and head over to the benches where I plan to start my bench presses. I put my headphones on, turn up my Ipod and lie down on the bench. Just as I’m about to press the bar up I hear an elongated and what seems like sexually perverse caterwauling. I bolt upright ready to fend off a horny rhinoceros or a charging drag queen but when my eyes focus I realize the sound is coming from a 140 pound man in a tank top doing triceps pushdowns. Now, first of all it sounds like this guy is screwing the weight machine rather than working out on it. Second of all triceps pushdowns are not a hard exercise that would elicit such a painful response. On a scale of difficulty and discomfort as far as weight lifting exercise go they are about a three on a scale of ten.
So, I sit on the bench and watch this guy and his “workout” partner. During each repetition the guy doing the pushdowns lets out a tremendous fucking like a deranged warthog sound. If this isn’t bad enough his “workout” partner is assisting him by pushing down slightly on the bar to help him get the weight. If you don’t know this is ridiculous! Both these guys together probably tip the scales at 250 pounds. And I want to ask the guy how something so little (his arms) can hurt so damn much but I don’t. I just turn up my Ipod until the point where it is as loud as Who concert and try to workout while these two extremely feminine and pasty white screamers continue on like they’re strapped to Marquis De Sade’s garage door wall and he’s testing out his new series of DeWalt power tools on their genitals.
I only have one thing to say to these guys. “Shut the fuck up.”
8 comments:
Fucking public gyms. The kind of shit you have to put up with in these places amazes me. I would make your point by loosing a considerable amount of gas every time you push your bar up. See how stick-man likes it.
ahh i love those people. they grunt and make all sorts of noises to make themselves feel better about lifting 10 lbs...
speaking of which, i have a gym membership again! yay! now i can get back to working out regularly again...
Dave - I think hastily guzzling protein drinks before my workout should help.
Nicky - Exactly, they want attention! And don't work out too much. I don't want you to get stronger than me. :)
I've always wanted to form a roving band called "The Muzzle Committee." We'd go around muting people like that. As a public service.
Oh and Steve - I'm really sorry but I had to "tag" you. I don't know if you ever play along with them, but see my blog for more info on what you need to do.
And if you DON'T respond to tags, may the skin of your bag become inflamed and pustule covered.
that is so goddamn rude. i hate hate hate that.
and making all that noise over tricep pushdowns. humph. wimps.
hahaha Steve...it was really pathetic..
eee heee heee heee heee.
goddamn it.
I hate people.
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