Dear God say it isn’t so. It appears that the apocalypse is upon us here in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. I’ve packed my Prius with all the belongings I could stuff in it and am leaving in the morning. This included the antique gun collection my grandfather bequeathed to me when he was locked in a nursing home. Yes, I oiled and cleaned them and got myself a forty-gallon drum of black powder at Walmart. The hope is that I won’t have to fight my way out but you never know these situations often turn hostile. The people of Harrisburg have elected a complete fool as their mayor. The city ship won’t sale long with her at the helm. I’m sure it will sink deeper into the Susquehanna and rest on the bottom with the mercury and other pollutants.

I’ve also stocked up on girlie magazines…I’m sure you are asking why I didn’t just buy porn DVD’s or just plan to get on the Internet and look at free porn sites. The reason is this situation will most likely worsen quickly and we will be left without electricity or your precious Internet. Yes, that’s why I’ve stockpiled the girlie magazines and about 1200 long lasting batteries for various flashlights and lamps I plan to use when I drive up north to my secret bunker. I hope you all make it through this if you decide to stay. Oh, and I have room for three or four hot women in my bunker if anyone else wants to split. If I were religious I’d pray for your souls but since I’m not I’ve left several cyanide tablets in a pill bottle and dropped them in my downstairs toilet tank. Use them if you need them and remember that dying is only cowardly if you have a choice.