Wednesday, October 14, 2009

When I Was 23

We were lying on the mattress in my bedroom. She told me she really wanted to say something to me. I panicked. “Yeah, I wanted to say something too,” I said.

“You first.” she said.

“Uhm, I just really wanted to have sex with you.”

She smiled and I was sure that’s what she was going to say to me. We kissed and she didn’t say anything. She had some cheap Japanese condom and it broke. I got another one out of my dresser and we had sex and then went out to a bar to join some friends. She was quiet that night and wouldn’t look at me.

When we were the only ones sitting at the table I said, “That’s not really what I wanted to say earlier. I mean I really wanted to have sex with you but that’s not what I really wanted to say.”

She put her hand over my mouth, “I love you.”

“That’s what I wanted to say.”

“What?”

“That I love you and I don’t want this to end. I want you to come with me.”

Tears welled in her eyes. “I was hoping you’d say that.”

I kissed her. “I leave Friday.”

“Don’t you mean we leave Friday?”

“Yeah,” I said, “we.”

“I already started packing my stuff.”

She leaned into me and I held her until the bar closed and the bouncers kicked us out and in my mind I still hold her in that moment forever all these years later.

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