We were lying on the mattress in my bedroom. She told me she really wanted to say something to me. I panicked. “Yeah, I wanted to say something too,” I said.
“You first.” she said.
“Uhm, I just really wanted to have sex with you.”
She smiled and I was sure that’s what she was going to say to me. We kissed and she didn’t say anything. She had some cheap Japanese condom and it broke. I got another one out of my dresser and we had sex and then went out to a bar to join some friends. She was quiet that night and wouldn’t look at me.
When we were the only ones sitting at the table I said, “That’s not really what I wanted to say earlier. I mean I really wanted to have sex with you but that’s not what I really wanted to say.”
She put her hand over my mouth, “I love you.”
“That’s what I wanted to say.”
“What?”
“That I love you and I don’t want this to end. I want you to come with me.”
Tears welled in her eyes. “I was hoping you’d say that.”
I kissed her. “I leave Friday.”
“Don’t you mean we leave Friday?”
“Yeah,” I said, “we.”
“I already started packing my stuff.”
She leaned into me and I held her until the bar closed and the bouncers kicked us out and in my mind I still hold her in that moment forever all these years later.
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