I was up at 5:30. Sure, I would have liked to have slept in but I couldn't. My dogs heard something outside and were obviously concerned for my safety so they barked and jumped madly on my bed. I got up and let them out and just as I was about to shut the door I saw something run under a bush. It was a gnome. I've had a problem with gnomes lately--an infestation if you will--and have tried stun guns and traps to no avail. They can be insidious little creatures and once put a hornets nest under the front seat of my car. I didn't find the nest until I had gotten in the car and been stung several dozen times. This is when I declared war on gnomes.

So, this morning I let the Chihuahuas attack and the drug the gnome out from under the bush. I grabbed him and picked him up by the scruff of his red jacket.

"What the hell are you doing in my yard?"

He looked up at me and glared. "This is my house. You stole it from me."

He bit my finger and I threw him in a trap I had bought some years later for skunks. I drove him out into the country and let him go near a farm. I know he'll be back but it will take him a few days on those stumpy little legs...