When I went out to get my recycling bin last night you can imagine how surprised I was to find a tiny little man underneath it. He tried to run but I took off my shoe and pegged him with it. He was only eight inches tall and I was sure I killed him but when I picked him up he bit my thumb. Startled, I nearly dropped him but managed to catch him by the back of his tunic.

“What in the fuck were you doing under my recycling bin?”

“It is the place I call home.”

I held him up to eye level. “Well, it’s a shitty home. You don’t have rabies do you”

He frowned. “No.”

“Good, come on I’ll take you inside and get you a snack.”

“I would most enjoy a snack. I’ve been living off what’s left in your recycling bin. The remnants of peanut butter and salsa from a jar you threw out yesterday. Too bad the garbage men took away my food supply this morning.”

I carried the little man into my home and placed him on the counter top. He sat on an upside down coffee cup and watched as I prepared a pot of boiling water. I added onion, celery, pepper, salt and garlic powder.

The little man stood and tried to peer over the top of the pot but I stood in his way. “Wait until I’m done.”

“No, no I’m hungry.”

I moved aside. “Well okay. Here let me help you. I lifted him up and he peered into the pot.”

“Hey, wait a minute.”

But of course it was too late. I grabbed him by the neck, snapped. I then removed his tunic, skin and gutted him and tossed him in the pot.

It was during the second month of the great famine of 2030—which we all know was caused by the Bush administration’s policies--and although this little man would have normally been a medical curiosity I didn’t have the luxury of passing up a meal. He tasted oddly like pork and after my dinner I cleaned my teeth with his femur.