No one will want to get to know you. One drunken fuck up and you’re out.
I thought you were funnier she will say and you will reply that you can’t always be ON all the time, that you’re not Robin Williams except on paper and then only sometimes. So you drink more to be ON more and soon you are ON less and less.
You will call and the phone will grow cold; icicles on the antenna. Reality will mesh with fantasy. They will confuse you for who they want you to be, the guy in the words, your words, the persons you create. The God you always wanted to be. You really will start wearing Burmese Jungle boots and you will brawl and you will drink so that you can live up to a someone that was never even born, their someone, the one with words for eyes.
You will come to find yourself wandering amongst these words; lost. You will reach out and they will stomp your fingers and watch you slide off the edge of a paragraph down into the open pages of a dictionary. More and more you will identify with the words; flesh melding with ink. Soon you will be nothing but words and a sneer.
You will most definitely come to know that you will die but it’s something you’ve been putting off because you’re not sure if you’re alive anymore. You pinch yourself to make sure you’re still there and what you grab will feel like the pages of a book and you will get your first tattoo and it will be your name and a sentiment like: to my biggest fan. The tattoo will look just like what you would sign on a dust jacket at a book signing…and you won't know who or what you are anymore.
8 comments:
You've been having a rough go of it lately, haven't you?
Yes, it sounds like Ker needs a little love.
Ker needs to fold this life up, pack it away with the skeletons in his closet and start for somewhere new...
I'd suggest the coast, but what do I know.
i did that starting fresh thing man. i have little recollection of my life before age 21... and i'm much happier that way. but i don't think you and i are talking about the same situation.
get out of the burg and find a new life. and toss those skeletons to the neighborhood mutts to gnaw on as you drive off.
Nicky - It feels right(stolen Ty Blue phrase), the leaving thing. I misstated what I meant to say. I don't really have skeletons in my closet, sure maybe one or two like everyone else but nothing major, nothing like Peeping Lou has:). What I wanted to say is I really need a fresh start, now whether that is actually moving physically or not I haven't decided.
I need a fresh start. I want to hit a beach somewhere, see a house I like, buy it and sit a spell. And relax. And think. And rework.
And restart.
Ahh. See I ditched the skeletons along with my old skin. If you don't have many, then maybe they're worth hanging on to. For character ya know. If nothing else, something to carry with you when you start over.
Well when you decide what yor fresh start is, be sure to let us all know so we can root for you.
In my case, the phoenix has risen. And though I've tried any times to write about my nonexistent former life in my blog I can't bring myself to publish any of it.
Maybe you'd be happy that way too? But I can't advocate just running away.... life's pretty complex sometimes.
I just realized I don't know a whole lot about Ker the person even though I read your stories every day. Hmm.
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