I remember seeing this kid on The Late Show a few years ago.  He was whacked out on some sort of drug and not making a whole lot of sense.  I think the reason for his visit on the show was to promote a book.  He was famous for something else which escapes me now but had become an "author."  His "book" contained one word.  Throughout the interview he was pompous and condescending.  He seemed to think his idea of a one word "book"  was brilliant. What I wanted to tell this kid was that his idea for a one word book was one of those ideas we all have after smoking a joint.  The difference is that most of us disregard these ideas later realizing that they are stupid.  What seems earth shattering while you're high doesn't necessarily translate into the clear minded world.  Evidently he didn't stay clear minded long enough to realize his book idea made him look like an immature ass...   

Maybe I am just a writer after all...

Lost and dying in this place inside a place.  Where words never penetrate and happiness has no home.  The loneliness is waiting in the shadows to pull you in and devour you.  It will leave nothing but a skeletal soul and and the bits of flesh stuck between its rotting teeth.  The mat at your front door reads:  WELCOME.

Take from me everything I have.  The things that matter most.  Leave me behind in the dirt but don't forget about me.  Keep looking over your shoulder because I will always rise up again--stronger, badder and meaner.  Worry about that day, the one where you have to face me again.

It's sad when you think of someone as a friend and they turn out to be quite the opposite.  Self-preservation is important but being an extreme egotist is disgusting and shows to me mental weakness.  Anyone can be a pig, it's easy.  Just roll in the mud...

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I want to sell my house, sell off my shit, get my dogs and leave...

I don't care.  No, not even a bit...

I don't have any more love to give.  It has been used up on one too many undeserving women.  It's not all bad though.  I've learned a lot.  I've learned for instance that I don't need love.  Sex will be just fine.  Thank-you and goodbye...

I think to myself how bad my life could have been and I smile because I am free. 

I sucked the poison from your bite and spit it back on your evil eyes...

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You don't know me.  You will never know me.  I'm not bragging.  I'm just saying.  You will never know the best side of me because I have yet to reveal it.  I'm waiting for the right moment.  The clock is ticking... 

As I try to conjure words to put on the page my mind comes unhinged and the once loyal letters spill onto the floor. They lay menancingly in a jagged heap. No amount of conjoling or threatening will lift them and as I stare they melt and shift and take shape and then realization hits me hard. It is you staring back at me. The murderer of my words. The princess of my sordid fairy tale...

You won't change me. They won't change me. None of you will change me. I won't be drug down and trampled--spit upon by the howling crowd. I will spit back and aim for the eyes. I will throw fists and profanity and everything within my power until I breathe my last breath but you will never change me. I will never be you. Fuck you and your weak ways.

The pedestal you placed yourself on grows weak. It leans and creaks and the cheap wood base cracks. You shimmy to the side and manage to keep it from toppling completely. How long before you fall? How long before you come back to earth? How long before you come down to my level again?

We all fuck up sometimes. Emotions get the best of us and we say and do things that aren't indicative of who we really are. I try to make amends but sometimes things can't be fixed. The best I can do is say I'm sorry. I have to live with my bad decisions but don't have to live without regret. Life moves on whether we want it to or not and I can't let myself be left in the past. There is a future out there and it isn't slowing down for any of us. I chose to move forward and learn from my mistakes so I don't repeat them...

I am still here. Where I've been all along. I never moved. You just stopped seeing me.

I'm sorry I can't care less. I'm not built like that. I will be there though. I will fight for you until the very end. I am a warrior. I will go to battle for you without fear of death. You would want me by your side when everything goes bad...

I am the bad guy with the skinny black mustache. I twirl the ends and sneer and laugh with evil. My eyes have no sight only black depth and where my heart once was there is now a diesel engine that makes a horrible hollow sound.

I am what you want me to be...

She is sad and it breaks my heart because I know there's nothing I can do. I can't get into her mind and rewire it. I can't erase the things that happened. I can't lover her enough. The only thing I can do is wait for her until the clouds pass...