I came to a realization yesterday. Well, to be fair, I was talking to a friend who made a suggestion. She said that my recollections were based merely on my perceptions at those moments and that perhaps there was another side to these stories. Damn, that bastard was right—some of my childhood perceptions were still my adult perceptions, some of them hadn’t grown or changed. Perhaps what I thought was undeniably true was in fact skewed, in all aspects of the word WRONG. I wondered how I could have all this time never considered an alternate possibility to these situations. With this realization more of my past anger dissipated and I found myself a step closer to the peace I have been searching for…

I drifted and for that I am eternally sorry. In that time I contemplated becoming an attorney. It worried me that I didn’t have a more secure future, that writing might not sustain me financially in my old age. Fear can drive you to do many stupid things. It can rob of you of your sanity and send you down a dark and ever narrowing tunnel that eventually swallows you up. When the tunnel closes there are no remnants of dreams that blossom into fruition, these hopes wither and are lost, there are only the grooves in the path left taken.

If I had chosen law I would have died another lawyer and that is not to say that it is not a good life to lead. Many people are very happy to devote their lives to the law and are very good at it. My mother, two sisters and brother are such people however I am not such a person. Through the meandering road that has been my life I have come to one solid conclusion; I am a writer. There is no escaping myself and though I may never reach the heights of my favorite authors—Hunter S. Thompson, Tom Robbins, Jack Kerouac, etc.--I will continue to do what I was meant to do and that is simply to put words down on paper. The dream never dies if you are living it for better or worse and that will be enough to sustain me.

Quote - The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.—Bertrand Russell