Atomic Blue Blog

2011-10-21T13:31:00.000-04:00

In a crowd of myself. Seeing all the MEs. I watch as they wander and wonder and bump into each other on their way to nowhere in particular. I want to lasso them all and pull them close, get them to concentrate on the bouncing ball that hops over the narrative of our lives. They are too far apart though and so I just watch as they grow further and further apart, too fragmented to ever come together, too me to ever be anything but what they are...

2011-10-21T13:23:00.001-04:00

I sit in this chair and stare. I can see everything but nothing touches me. Time ticks by and by and I sink deeper and deeper into the faux leather. Only my eyes and the top of my head are visible now--in case any cares to look. I reach up and try to grab the arms of the chair but I'm already too far gone. Soon enough I will see nothing and nothing will see me.

2011-10-13T10:55:00.000-04:00

Lost and losing, everything confusing. I'm done and not quite sure why. If you could tell me, sell me, on this notion of time I might be agreeable but as it stands I can't befriend this mortal enemy. Nothing good comes from it. Nothing at all.

2011-10-10T08:19:00.000-04:00

Sometimes you need a good friend to tell you that its okay to pursue a dream, that you only have one life and that you shouldn't live it under anyone else's terms. In the back of my mind I knew this but sometimes the world puts pressures on you and you feel that you should be doing something else when the one thing you love to do is pushed aside. Fuck it. I'm not going to live my life wishing I had purued my true passion. There may be consequences but I'd rather live with those than regret...

Really Dude? Shut the fuck up already.

2011-10-05T08:49:00.001-04:00

There's this guy at the gym who doesn't understand social boundaries. He is constantly following me around the gym and trying to talk to me. Yesterday, he trapped me on the treadmill and I was held hostage for 30 minutes while he went on and on about how taxing the rich was wrong and how high schools should be closed down and kids should go to charter schools and that sports were worthless in education. He's a Republican. I'm not. There is no way in this lifetime he is ever going to convert me to become a Republican. After about ten minutes of his bullshit I seriously wanted to throttle him.

The kicker of the story is that he is 30 years old, lives with his parents and is unemployed. He won't work because the jobs available to him are beneath him, so he collects some sort of unemployment and plays video games all day. I asked him why he was a Republican since he wasn't rich and he said, "that one day he would be rich." I told him I seriously doubted it due to his lack of initiative. He got flustered and insisted he would be. I went on to say that his party doesn't want him to be rich and they are making it harder for the average person to rise up and be rich. He just kept spouting off more propaganda. Even stating that he won't have health care when he is older didn't phase him. He has been brainwashed.

Here is a classic example of someone who votes against their own interests. He sucks off the government teet and then wants to vote for someone that doesn't give a fuck whether he has health care let alone food and shelter. Sorry, but the current Republicans care about one thing and one thing only and that is money. I view that party the same way I do a pile of dog shit I step in when I'm walking in the yard. It and they utterly repulse me.

This is not to say I am pleased with the Democrats. They need to grow some balls and stop trying to negotiate with the right. Can certain programs be cleaned up and made more efficient? Sure, but that doesn't mean scrapping the entire government so a few individuals can become super rich.

If this guy's political party "wins" then he will lose and so will 99% of Americans. And the sad part is that a frail guy like this won't make it in the future the Republicans have planned for him. His video game playing days will be gone and he will be cleaning their toilets. Even then he will probably still believe that one day he will find a golden turd and he will become rich and they will laud him and call them one of their own.

2011-10-03T08:27:00.000-04:00

I remember seeing this kid on The Late Show a few years ago. He was whacked out on some sort of drug and not making a whole lot of sense. I think the reason for his visit on the show was to promote a book. He was famous for something else which escapes me now but had become an "author." His "book" contained one word. Throughout the interview he was pompous and condescending. He seemed to think his idea of a one word "book" was brilliant. What I wanted to tell this kid was that his idea for a one word book was one of those ideas we all have after smoking a joint. The difference is that most of us disregard these ideas later realizing that they are stupid. What seems earth shattering while you're high doesn't necessarily translate into the clear minded world. Evidently he didn't stay clear minded long enough to realize his book idea made him look like an immature ass...

2011-09-30T13:32:00.002-04:00

Maybe I am just a writer after all...

2011-09-29T12:50:00.000-04:00

Lost and dying in this place inside a place. Where words never penetrate and happiness has no home. The loneliness is waiting in the shadows to pull you in and devour you. It will leave nothing but a skeletal soul and and the bits of flesh stuck between its rotting teeth. The mat at your front door reads: WELCOME.

2011-08-17T07:45:00.000-04:00

Take from me everything I have. The things that matter most. Leave me behind in the dirt but don't forget about me. Keep looking over your shoulder because I will always rise up again--stronger, badder and meaner. Worry about that day, the one where you have to face me again.

2011-08-07T07:42:00.000-04:00

It's sad when you think of someone as a friend and they turn out to be quite the opposite. Self-preservation is important but being an extreme egotist is disgusting and shows to me mental weakness. Anyone can be a pig, it's easy. Just roll in the mud...

2011-08-03T10:59:00.000-04:00

The cocksuckers that own the business I work at are cutting our pay and yet they want to charge my clients more. They are the greediest pieces of shit I have ever encountered. Instead of running a good business and finding ways to generate more revenue legitimately they are nickle and diming us. Every paycheck they take a little more. I would laugh if they died in a plane crash. I don't think every life is precious. I think you make your place in this world by how you treat other people. If you are a leech and do nothing but suck the life out of other people I don't believe you have a place. Oh, sweet karma please come back and bite these cocksuckers in the ass...

2011-07-10T23:14:00.000-04:00

I want to sell my house, sell off my shit, get my dogs and leave...

2011-04-23T23:41:00.000-04:00

I don't care. No, not even a bit...

2011-03-31T23:28:00.000-04:00

I don't have any more love to give. It has been used up on one too many undeserving women. It's not all bad though. I've learned a lot. I've learned for instance that I don't need love. Sex will be just fine. Thank-you and goodbye...

2011-03-29T23:51:00.000-04:00

I think to myself how bad my life could have been and I smile because I am free.

2011-03-08T13:03:00.001-05:00

I sucked the poison from your bite and spit it back on your evil eyes...

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

2011-01-24T21:11:00.000-05:00

You don't know me. You will never know me. I'm not bragging. I'm just saying. You will never know the best side of me because I have yet to reveal it. I'm waiting for the right moment. The clock is ticking...

2011-01-13T23:42:00.001-05:00

As I try to conjure words to put on the page my mind comes unhinged and the once loyal letters spill onto the floor. They lay menancingly in a jagged heap. No amount of conjoling or threatening will lift them and as I stare they melt and shift and take shape and then realization hits me hard. It is you staring back at me. The murderer of my words. The princess of my sordid fairy tale...

2011-01-09T23:21:00.000-05:00

You won't change me. They won't change me. None of you will change me. I won't be drug down and trampled--spit upon by the howling crowd. I will spit back and aim for the eyes. I will throw fists and profanity and everything within my power until I breathe my last breath but you will never change me. I will never be you. Fuck you and your weak ways.

2011-01-09T06:48:00.002-05:00

The pedestal you placed yourself on grows weak. It leans and creaks and the cheap wood base cracks. You shimmy to the side and manage to keep it from toppling completely. How long before you fall? How long before you come back to earth? How long before you come down to my level again?

2011-01-06T23:17:00.002-05:00

We all fuck up sometimes. Emotions get the best of us and we say and do things that aren't indicative of who we really are. I try to make amends but sometimes things can't be fixed. The best I can do is say I'm sorry. I have to live with my bad decisions but don't have to live without regret. Life moves on whether we want it to or not and I can't let myself be left in the past. There is a future out there and it isn't slowing down for any of us. I chose to move forward and learn from my mistakes so I don't repeat them...

2011-01-02T20:20:00.002-05:00

I am still here. Where I've been all along. I never moved. You just stopped seeing me.

2011-01-02T19:44:00.003-05:00

I'm sorry I can't care less. I'm not built like that. I will be there though. I will fight for you until the very end. I am a warrior. I will go to battle for you without fear of death. You would want me by your side when everything goes bad...

2011-01-02T17:37:00.002-05:00

I am the bad guy with the skinny black mustache. I twirl the ends and sneer and laugh with evil. My eyes have no sight only black depth and where my heart once was there is now a diesel engine that makes a horrible hollow sound.

I am what you want me to be...

2011-01-01T21:04:00.002-05:00

She is sad and it breaks my heart because I know there's nothing I can do. I can't get into her mind and rewire it. I can't erase the things that happened. I can't lover her enough. The only thing I can do is wait for her until the clouds pass...

2010-12-31T14:40:00.001-05:00

Cocaine flame in my bloodstream
Sold my coat when I hit Spokane
Bought myself a hard pack of cigarettes in the early morning rain
Lately my hands they don't feel like mine
My eyes been stung with dust and blind
Held you in my arms one time
Lost you just the same
Jolene
I ain't about to go straight
It's too late
I found myself face down in a ditch
Booze in my hair
Blood in my lips
A picture of you holding a picture of me
In the pocket of my blue jeans
Still don't know what love means
Still don't know what love means
Jolene
Been so long since I seen your face
Or felt a part of this human race
I've been living out of this here suitcase for way too long
A man needs something he can hold onto
A nine pound hammer or a woman like you
Either one of them things will do
Jolene
I ain't about to go straight
It's too late
I found myself face down in a ditch
Booze in my hair
Blood on my lips
A picture of you holding a picture of me
In the pocket of my blue jeans
Still don't know what love means
Still don't know what love means
Jolene
Jolene
Jolene

Words to Jolene by Ray LaMontagne

2010-12-31T09:48:00.002-05:00

The capacity for intellectual curiosity eludes you. How can that be? There are no simple answers. There are only hard questions. I cannot except how you skim over life like a thrown rock skips across the surface of a lake. Life isn't that fucking simple...

2010-12-30T23:14:00.003-05:00

I love too hard and this place is too cold so I'm leaving and I want to say goodbye. It's been a long time coming and it needs to be done. I'll take you along in my heart and when I'm sitting on the beach and the sun goes down I'll have you with me. I need the warmth of a new place...

2010-12-30T19:51:00.002-05:00

I should have never come back. Now, I regret it more than anything in my life. Where would I be now if I hadn't been forced to return? This wasn't my plan. My dreams have all fallen to the side and basically I'm just waiting to die here. What a fucking waste.

2010-12-30T19:38:00.000-05:00

William Shakespeare - To be, or not to be (from Hamlet 3/1)

To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscover'd country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pith and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action. - Soft you now!
The fair Ophelia! Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all my sins remember'd.

2010-12-29T19:24:00.001-05:00

Sometimes the broken can't be fixed. Sometimes the done can't be undone. Sometimes it is too late to ever go back home again...

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

2010-12-29T10:25:00.002-05:00

Thank-you my friend of over 25 years. You are a scholar and a gentleman, a conisseour of fine wine and a lover of beautiful women, but wait that's not all...ha ha

2010-12-28T17:50:00.002-05:00

Ugh,okay, I don't know how many times I have to explain this but here we go again. The things I write on here are not about any particular person nor do they reflect how I feel all the time. I try to write on here in an uncensored fashion. I just let things come out as I write. Maybe I am letting some feelings I have come out at the moment and then 10 minutes later I may feel totally different. So, enough of the E-mails saying what I write is about YOU. It isn't. It's nobody...

2010-12-27T20:05:00.002-05:00

She smiles and I am transported to that golden place in my head. The cold outside goes away and the past evaporates. There is nothing but that moment forever...

2010-12-27T08:02:00.001-05:00

I gauge my life by the depth of the relationships I share with others. I want to love. Meeting up with an acquaintance for a drink can be fun but it isn't living. It is a cheap substitute for something more substantial. So I continue to search for the depth only true friendship and love can bring.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

2010-12-25T19:35:00.002-05:00

It has been a good Christmas. I am happy and content. I need for nothing and there isn't anything I really want. Seeing other people smile is like a drug and when you mix it with booze you are riding high.

2010-12-23T08:15:00.001-05:00

In the light of day I don't look so good. Keep me in the shadows--in the black. The sun exposes ugly truths that I don't want to face. So I will creep in my own shadow, in my own dark dream...

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

2010-12-22T19:08:00.001-05:00

My mind is gone. Blown. The wind whistles through cooling my blood but my brain is still hot with emotion. I just want out of here. The world closing in. Everything so small and terrifyingly familiar. This place again. A place I never wanted to go back to.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

2010-12-21T22:11:00.002-05:00

This place sucks. If I could pack everything up in a day I would leave. Small minds. Small world. Big dissapointment...

2010-12-21T20:54:00.001-05:00

I'm not celebrating Christmas this year. No one is getting me anything and I haven't bought anything for anyone else. I know. I know. Christmas isn't about gifts but usually I like to buy people things. I really don't care whether I get anything or not. I buy everything I need anyway...

I just want Christmas to pass. On New Year's Eve I'll get so drunk I forget everything and then I'll wait for it to get warm outside and maybe one day I will feel the sun on my face again.

2010-12-21T02:03:00.002-05:00

I gave you everything I had and you used my heart like a frisbee. You threw it as far away as it would go. It hit a tree and stuck for a moment and then fell to the ground...

2010-12-14T20:12:00.002-05:00

Back and not caring about yesterday. I'm gonna be mean so don't get in my way. I have a vision of what tomorrow is going to be and its goddamn beautiful...

2010-12-14T20:03:00.001-05:00

Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for -Bob Marley

2010-12-11T18:50:00.002-05:00

I don't know what I've done in this lifetime but it must have been something awful. I finally found someone I really liked, someone I thought liked me and then she broke up with me. I'm left alone and depressed. Tell me, what did I do to deserve this?

2010-12-11T11:22:00.002-05:00

I can't eat. You can't tell but inside I am dying. It is a well kept secret that is no longer a secret. I'd rather not wake up.

2010-12-10T13:12:00.002-05:00

I blew my nose in the shower this morning and it started to bleed. The blood wouldn't stop. It just kept running down my face. I didn't try to stop it. I watched as it soaked into my pubic hair and then onto my legs and then onto the bottom of the tub. There was blood everywhere and I didn't care...

2010-12-09T12:35:00.004-05:00

I just want to sleep with my dogs by my side. I don't think I will wake up. The world hurts too much. In my dreams I can see you and I don't have to face the reality of a cold morning without you...

2010-12-08T05:52:00.002-05:00

If your lucky someone comes into your life and suddenly your not looking through a dirty windshield. Suddenly everything is clear and beautiful like you just went through a carwash for your soul.

2010-12-07T06:51:00.002-05:00

Last night at about three AM I awoke to my Chihuahua Burma standing in front of my face dancing around--he wanted to go out. I reluctantly crawled out of my warm bed and sent them out into the frigid night air.

After about 30 seconds Uma came scratching at the door. I let her in and called for Burma. He came but stopped at the bottom of the steps.

"Come on big guy," I said.

Nothing.

"Come on Burma, it's cold."

Nothing.

"How about a treat?

Nothing.

So, I ran outside in my underwear. At that very moment Burma heard something and darted off.

"Damn it, Burma get back here."

I was running around barefoot in my underwear and it couldn't have been more than twenty degrees. After about 30 seconds I corralled Burma, picked him up and brought him inside.

When I put him down on the warm kitchen floor he danced as if he was going to get a treat. I think I was suffering from hypothermia but he was so damn cute. I had to give him a treat...

2010-12-06T10:24:00.003-05:00

My heart is a piñata filled with blood. Why you would want to beat it with a club I don’t know. Maybe you’re just fucked up or maybe you like to feel the blood run through your spread fingers…

2010-12-05T06:06:00.002-05:00

A hot cup of coffee and my Chihuahuas tucked in my sweatshirt as I write--it's a damn good way to start the day. I don't get to do this often anymore and I miss it. Inside me the writer wants to, no needs to be heard but he has been surpressed. There is much yet to be written. The writter is not dead. He is born again...

2010-12-04T19:46:00.004-05:00

You're not alone.
I'm with you.
I'm lonely too.
What's that song?
Can't be sung by two.
A broken home, a broken heart.
Isolated and afraid.
Open up this is a raid.
I'm gonna get it it through to you.
You're not alone.

From -You're Not Alone - by Mavis Staples

2010-11-29T13:19:00.001-05:00

The blood from a wounded heart is the perfect ink for prose.

2010-11-24T13:10:00.003-05:00

When I am alone I am not lonely. When I am with someone and they are not there the loneliness creeps into my head and festers there...

2010-08-31T23:10:00.001-04:00

I am a robot, thank-you, yes I am--a machine incapable of emotion. I think I was once human. Somewhere buried deep in my circuitry are the remnants of my human remains--charred and unidentifiable. Artificial blood surges through the plastic tubing that runs under my synthetic skin. My tears are a clever combination of French fry salt and a petroleum based lubricant. I have no need for tears other than to moisten my glass eyes—all the better see you with him my dear. Yes, I can see others interact—love—and the concept is foreign to me, like raking leaves with a garden hose. My unemotional and rational mind cannot make the connection so don’t worry about me. I can’t feel a damn thing. I am a robot, thank-you, yes I am--a machine incapable of emotion.

2010-08-27T22:21:00.001-04:00

Thirty-two pounds. Thirty-seven pounds. Forty-two pounds. Forty-six pounds. We weighed you in the basement on the scale that I now have at the gym. I see it every day. I weigh myself on it at least five times a week and I just remembered that you stood on that scale many times but you never will again.

One hundred and eighty five pounds. One hundred and forty-eight pounds. One hundred and two pounds. Fifty-eight pounds. Twenty-six pounds. Zero pounds. We won’t be weighing you on the way down, kid. I’m sorry. I would have kept weighing you if I knew you were going to do this. If I thought it would have prevented this…

Remember how Goldie would play games with you while your dad and I were in the basement? She will be there tomorrow. I will be there tomorrow and it won’t mean a good goddamn. You’ll be there but you won’t be there. You’ll be in the basement on that scale, in my mind, in my heart, forever. So long kid…

2010-07-17T06:52:00.002-04:00

Something. Nothing. Everything. I'm not sure which but I will let you know when I figure it out.

2010-06-22T10:46:00.004-04:00

More problems at the gym. Some roided up felon punk refused to check in this morning. He started the old you don't know who I am bullshit when the desk attendant asked him to check in. He then threatened to beat up Bill the desk attendant. Now, Bill is big, a former Mr. Pennslyvania, Marine and cop. I will write more on this later...

2010-06-16T23:14:00.003-04:00

You are a toad; a rough and dry creature. Skin cracking smiles spread slowly like novicaine under the bulges of your eyes. Your quick tongue darts after a fly--the fly of a former stripper lying in the weeds next to your hole. She's dead you nasty little Vander Sloot. Nothing but memories and maggots oozing from her mouth. Toads love maggots and have no attachment to memories...

2010-06-10T00:26:00.003-04:00

I was working out around 4 PM this afternoon and I might add I was having one hell of a good workout. My body is responding like crazy to the reintroduction of carbohydrates in my diet. Body fat is still low and my weights are going up very quickly. Anyway, I had just finished some cambered bar bench presses and was gettting ready to do some seated log presses. I was walking back to the power rack and stumbled upon two muscle heads throwing words back and forth.

I said, "Come on break it up," and just as I did this the older of the two shoved the younger guy. My guess was the older guy was in his thirties and the younger guy was 18. I wedged myself inbetween them and said, "All right lets calm down." They were both mouthing back and forth and I could tell neither of them really wanted to get into it. They backed up from each other and continued to mouth back and forth. The scene was ridiculous and I found myself almost laughing.

After some conjoling and light pushing I finally got them apart from each other and then went back and set up my log press. When I was ready for my top set I went out front to get one of the desk workers to give me as spot and sure enough the two meat heads were back at it. I stepped inbetween them and said, "Come on guys this isn't the time or place. Everyone is staring at you." After some convincing I got them apart and the older guy left the gym. The younger guy called his dad on his cell phone which I thought was hilarious.

When he was done talking to his daddy I said, "Man it's nothing. Who cares? There's more important things in life to worry about." The younger guy said, "Yeah, but he pushed me." I said, "Let it go. It's not worth it. Trust me."

He continued to rant and rave and I finally convinced him how stupid the whole thing was. He thanked me and went back to his lifting and I went back to my log press. The important part of this story is that I got 5 more reps with twenty more pounds than I did last week on the log press. Thanks for getting my andrenaline going guys.

The the older guy came back to the gym later in the evening and apologized to me. I told him not to worry about it. I really didn't give a shit. It had nothing to do with me. I should have thanked him though for helping me drastically improve my lift from last week. I owe those guys...

2010-06-08T01:22:00.002-04:00

I don't know why but I've been dreaming about you. The last two nights you crept back inside my head. I haven't even seen you in years but you were so real. Why have you come back to me now? I think you owe me an explanation. You can't just come waltzing back into my life like this. It hurts too goddamn much...

2010-05-04T20:52:00.002-04:00

Getting ready for this bodybuilding contest on May 22 is the hardest thing I've done in my life. I get up at 5 AM and then go to the gym and do two hours and twenty minutes of cardio every morning. Then I have clients. I then go home and take a nap. Come back and lift four days a week and then have clients in the afternoon and night. I don't get out of the gym until 9. Yes, this includes weekends, although I usually get out of the gym by six on weekends. Oh, I also have to tan, which I hate and practice posing five times a week. To top it off I have insomnia so I am always tired. I can't wait to eat again!

2010-03-25T15:58:00.002-04:00

I've been very busy. Three and a half weeks ago I decided to start personal training full-time. Coupled with the fact that I'm getting ready for my first bodybuilding contest in May I've had zero time to do anything else. I'm going to try to write on the blog more as things settle down.

2010-02-19T09:46:00.002-05:00

We all run into punks once in a while. Actually, I see quite a few of them in the gym. You know the people, the ones who run their mouths like tough guys and get away with it time and time again. Well, sometimes its good to see one of these idiots pay for their big mouths: Epic Beard Man

2010-02-17T10:48:00.002-05:00

If this shit doesn't piss you off then you are probably a far far right wing lunatic that has no empathy for your fellow human beings. I read this on The Huffington Post today. So, you don't want healthcare reform? Really? You want these insurance companies to deny you coverage when you get sick? These people are souless crooks. I'd like to meet some of these people in a dark alley...

2010-02-16T09:12:00.001-05:00

Dear Lord Baby Jesus. I was looking at http://ugliesttattoos.com when I ran across a tattoo on a guy that said:Bitches don’t know about my Jenkem. Like you I didn’t know what Jenkem was so I clicked on the Wikipedia link to see what it was. Evidently it is fermented sewage that Zambian street children huff. It causes hallucinations. They are so poor and want to escape their terrible existence so much that they will inhale noxious sewage gas to get high. Wow. I purpose that we send them some high-grade LSD and maybe something to eat. No one should have to go to such lengths to get high.

Back to the tattoo. This tattoo is on the guy’s lower back and points to his ass crack. WTF? The tattoo looks like it was scribbled on him by an 80 year old alcoholic with delirium tremors. Maybe this guy didn’t know tattoos were permanent? One can only hope he gets that tattoo covered with something more appealing like Barney the purple dinosaur. Even that would be better….

2010-02-11T10:21:00.000-05:00

In case there is another snow storm I built an igloo out of gallon jugs of milk. The inside is lined with loaves of bread. It’s actually quite toasty. No pun intended. I stocked up on these items even though I don’t eat them because in America it is the practice to have stuff so other people can’t have it. When the big rush for Milk and bread comes I will sell these items at ten times their normal price. I will become rich and then build an igloo out of one hundred dollar bills. Of course I will have to guard this igloo with anti-tank weapons and fifty caliber machine guns. I will be justified in killing to save my money igloo.

2010-02-09T09:27:00.001-05:00

-I take great offense to people saying Sarah Palin is as dumb as a brick. She is nowhere near as bright as a brick and it does a disservice to bricks all over the world to compare their intelligence to hers. Bricks are structurally sound, rectangular, and they are consistent. Sarah Palin is none of these things…well, maybe her glasses are rectangular. That people identify with this idiot is very scary. I would have more faith in the human race if people identified more with actual bricks. Bricks are not stupid and they are not smart. They don’t pretend to be intelligent. In fact they don’t do anything. Maybe Sarah Palin should try doing nothing before she really fucks something up…

2010-02-08T21:48:00.000-05:00

I’m not angry baby. It’s hard to get mad anymore. I used to have the fire because I cared but now I don’t give a shit. The world is a big greedy joke so I just try to laugh. Don’t let them fool you with ideals, it’s all bullshit. Trust me I’ve been there. Actually, I am there and I understand the futility of fighting the pigs in their own trough. The best I can do is laugh in their faces knowing how wrong they are. Its fucking beautiful to be enlightened. Try it. You’ll like it…

2010-02-05T10:09:00.002-05:00

You know I'm all for giving underprivileged children a better life but these Baptists that got busted for abducting children deserve what they got. I'm tired of these religious loonies forcing their beliefs on people. Sure, they are offering to help these kids but it is a conditional offer. Why does religion have to be part of the deal? It's because they believe their beliefs are the "right" beliefs and that they should "save" everyone. They are using the disaster in Haiti to prey on children. They want to convert these children into Baptists. Sure, they'll give them food and shelter as long as they can brainwash them into believing what they believe. A truly humanitarian gesture would be for them to provide food and shelter for these children and find them parents that may not be religious but just the same would be excellent parents.

2010-02-04T22:23:00.001-05:00

-Well, I guess the run on milk and bread has begun in lieu of the big snowstorm that is supposed to hit this weekend. I hope all the people in Harrisburg stocked up. I’m sure many of them are in danger of starving. Have you seen all the sickly thin people walking around? I’m sure they bought forty loaves of bread and 30 gallons of milk for their family of four. They can make a giant peanut butter and jelly sandwich and guzzle milk from a funnel as the snow falls. I think I’ll just jerk off. At least I'll be burning some calories…

2010-02-04T22:13:00.001-05:00

-I want to choke Steve Jobs. My fucking I-Tunes won’t let me get to any of my music. I’ve spent a substantial amount of money on buying music from these fuckers and some glitch with their software has screwed up my library. Real nice security measures. They’re so damn afraid someone is going to get free music that they have totally screwed people like me who try to buy music.

2010-02-02T10:41:00.000-05:00

-Back when I started lifting weights in gyms they were places were people worked hard. Some of the gyms were dirty and cramped and had carpet that was ripped and held together by duct tape. The music was loud and people grunted and clanged weights. These gyms were privately owned. And then something happened. Ten years ago or so these small gyms started to be pushed out by large corporate owned gyms. These gyms had lots of shiny new machines and cardio contraptions. The small gyms started to close because they couldn’t keep up with the money these behemoths had. Gone are a lot of the gyms where you could sweat and swear. Gyms now have rubber-coated plates so the clanking of heavy plates doesn’t disrupt the “fitness” crowd. Gyms are geared towards people that don’t want to put in the time and effort to change themselves. They are places that are made to be comfortable and easy. Strength and physique changes never come about easily and what these gyms are selling is a lie. You can’t sit your fat ass down on a machine for five minutes and tug on a little cable contraption and see significant change.

I hear jackasses in the gym I work out in complain about the gym being dirty or that the water fountain is broken for a day. Unless there was a body on the ground I probably wouldn’t even notice any dirt on the ground. The reason is because I’m focused on my workout. I’m working too hard to give a fuck whether a treadmill glistens when the sun hits it or whether someone spit shined the upholstery on a leg press machine. These people don’t belong in gyms but the corporate pricks want them because they are the ones who pay for memberships and then never come to the gym. They are the people that want to believe they are being “healthy” but are in fact lazy couch potatoes.

I would love to open a gym with real iron weights where I could play music loud and drop 600 pound deadlifts on the floor without getting dirty looks from some jerk in a tight spandex uni-tard giving me dirty looks. I just might do that….

2010-01-29T12:08:00.001-05:00

-Well, I’m down thirteen pounds since starting my pre-contest diet. I am currently doing 45 minutes of cardio at 6:30 AM every day of the week. Four days a week I am lifting weights in the early evening. So, far my strength is still good. I am going for 15 reps with 425 in deadlift today. We’ll see how it goes.

I need to start practicing posing soon. I’ve been putting it off but I don’t want to look like an idiot on stage. The whole little underwear on stage thing isn’t really my idea of fun but it doesn’t bother me either. I really don’t give a shit what people think.

2010-01-28T09:17:00.002-05:00

On the way to work this morning I stopped at the drug store to get some medicine for my sinuses. It was to be a quick stop. I would grab what I needed, run to the register and be back on the road before my car had cooled one degree. This would have worked if I wouldn't have gotten in a line behind a woman who was writing a CHECK! Who in the hell writes checks anymore? Especially when there is a line of people behind them--all on their way to work--who don't have time to piss around?

This woman not only wrote a check but she messed around with some damn coupon or something and chatted and distracted the cashier so the whole process took ten minutes. Everyone behind her was growing annoyed and she continued to chat away oblivious to anyone but herself. It was clear she wasn't in a hurry and that's probably because she had extra time leftover after skipping breakfast. She was about as wide as a pencil.

All I ask is for people to be cognizant and considerate of others. Is it that damn hard?

It was once thought that the earth was the center of the universe until Copernicus formulated heliocentric cosmology. I would like to propose a similar formula and that is that no human is the center of the universe! Use your brains people, stop getting caught up in your mundane bullshit and think about others. The universe is bigger than you. Oh, and get a damn Visa debit card...

2010-01-26T08:45:00.001-05:00

-I left for the gym yesterday from my house at 6:15. It was still dark outside and then wind was blowing hellishly. I made the turn to go onto the road my gym is on when all of a sudden I saw a big black case on the road. I saw it only for a moment but I swear it was a tuba case. There was no time to stop and I plowed over it. I looked in my rear view mirror but saw nothing. When I got to the gym I checked my bumper for damage and thankfully there was none. On the way home I looked for the tuba case but it wasn’t there and then it occurred to me, it might have been the case of a ghost tuba. Scary isn’t it?

2010-01-26T08:28:00.000-05:00

I was flipping through the newspaper this morning when I ran across the obituaries. I glanced at them to see if there was anyone I knew and happened upon an obituary that was extremely long. I thought maybe there would be some interesting tidbit in it but there wasn’t. It was a huge list of relatives with nothing particularly interesting about the individual listed. Maybe the person was boring. I don’t know but what I do know is that not many people outside the immediate family are interested to whom this person was related to. It’s a waste of space. When I go they can write, “He died. Let’s move on.”

2010-01-23T06:42:00.002-05:00

Well, it had to happen. It looks so creamy, in fact just like whipped cream. My grandfather ate shaving cream for breakfast the other morning. I've gotten shaving cream in my mouth while shaving and it really is pretty disgusting. I can't imagine actually wolfing the stuff down like Cool Whip off the top of a Sunday.

They are thinking of putting my grandfather in the Alzheimer's unit so he gets more supervision. I'm thinking that might be a good idea...

2010-01-22T09:25:00.000-05:00

-Muggsy and I are making good progress on our children's book. I am converting one of my upstairs rooms into a studio for us to work in. It used to be the smoking and drinking room but we both decided to give up cigars. Damn, why does everything fun have to be bad for you? Anyway, we also have several other ideas for projects that we are starting too work on so that we can move right from this book to the next. I can ‘t say when the first book will be done but I hope it will be done by the fall.

2010-01-21T11:23:00.001-05:00

I am happy but bored. Yes, the two can exist quite nicely side by side. I search for that which will excite my mind and keep me from wanting to scramble reality with substances. The world around me is too vanilla and I must find new ways to entertain myself. Television is not an option as I find it has little to offer in the way of creative thinking. Why can other people be happy going to work, coming home, eating dinner and watching TV? That scenario threatens to explode every fiber of my being. I would die before I would fall into that pattern. So, please help save me. Give me some ideas so that I might not be bored. Thank you…

2010-01-21T11:04:00.001-05:00

When I grow old I will not give up. I will not let my eyebrows, nose hair and ear hair get unruly. I will not walk through a locker room naked and not give a shit. I will continue to work out and refuse to wear pastels. I will bath regularly and never ever use mothballs in my house. I will brush my teeth and chew with my mouth closed. I will not let my mind wander or my wit to dim. If it does I will put a new hole in my head suitable for passage by any meandering sparrow…

2010-01-21T10:56:00.000-05:00

You lied. You said she knew and she didn’t know. I could tell by the blank stare on her face at breakfast the other morning when I mentioned your letter. What sort of world do you live in? It must be a place constructed of bullshit and fragile sticks—an adobe crap shack. Nothing in there is real. It is all a stinking lie. What a pitiful existence…

2010-01-12T09:02:00.004-05:00

Last night started out like many of my nights in the gym. I had worked out, trained a co-worker and was heading back to the squat rack with the hockey player I train when I was unexpectedly and brutally assaulted. By whom you ask? Well, there was more than one of them and one of them was invisible. No, I’m not crazy…let me rephrase that, my mind is of a different mold. Happy? Good, I shall proceed. The duo that unleashed this horrible attack on my being was really a beast with two heads. A most vile and unfathomably vicious Nehebkau like beast that was more ferocious than anything I could have imagined.

I threw my hand over my nose. Tears ran from my eyes. “By god man do you smell that?”

My client looked at me and the panic in his eyes told me he had. “I have a cold but I can still smell it.”

There in front of us was a rather dumpy individual doing deadlifts and he wasn’t alone. With him was an odor that emanated from him and which I don’t know if I can adequately describe with words but I will try. He smelled like a mixture of a giant hamster cage that hadn’t been cleaned in three years, a knocked over outhouse and concentrated Medieval body odor.

My client and I dashed across the gym to escape this man and his odor but it seemed to follow us like some sort of demon possessed cloud. I saw my life flash in front of my eyes as my head spun and my stomach heaved. People around us were hiding their mouths and noses under their shirts and giving us dirty looks. My worst fears had come true. The stink had stuck to us.

My client and I made for the other side of the gym but still the smell followed us, clinging to us like a starving squirrel on a bag of peanuts. Everywhere we ran people covered their mouths and noses. Some screamed and several fainted. My client ran out the front door and I was left standing in the middle of the gym surrounded by the most ungodly smell ever whiffed by a human being.

The gym was in complete chaos and no one seemed to notice that the dumpy guy was moving towards me and the smell was growing worse. He stared straight at me and began to remove his clothing. I gasped, frozen in my spot, unable to take my eyes off the car wreck that was his body. By the time he was ten feet from me he was in only his stained jockstrap.

Suddenly I snapped out of it. “It’s him; behold the man and his smell.”

Eyes grew large and silence engulfed the gym. The dumpy guy stopped and looked around him. He realized the gig was up. He and his smell had been discovered. There was nothing to do but run and run he did. He ran straight out of the gym leaving his stinky clothing behind.

A Hazmat team was called in and the clothing removed. Several gym members had to be hospitalized with extreme nausea but not deaths by stink were reported. The gym will be closed for two weeks while a team of professionals scours every inch of the gym. As I write this on my laptop I am bathing in a bathtub full of tomato juice. I also threw in several cans of Clamato juice because I like to roll like that…

2010-01-11T09:35:00.002-05:00

If you haven't checked this website out then go to it. People are just embarrassing. What possess people to get these things permanently drawn on their bodies?
Ugliest Tattoos

2010-01-11T09:12:00.001-05:00

I want to go out with the last gear stretched and the horizon blurred—my tank heading towards empty and everything behind me. I want to disintegrate into greatness and my particles to twinkle between the stars. I want to be one with eternity and my memory to swirl in the Milky Way…

2010-01-11T09:10:00.001-05:00

-If the time comes when I can’t speak and my mind is beyond repair and I languish in my own spit like some sort of gutter trout I want you to pull the goddamn plug. If the thousands of dollars that are keeping me “alive” could be used to save a little kid with cancer then save the little bastard and turn the lights out on me. I’ve lived a good life and I won’t leave this place regretting anything. If there is an afterlife I don’t want to feel guilty for all eternity because I sucked up the resources that could be used to save someone else. Now, if that someone else happens to be a dictator or some sort of money grubbing capitalist pig then keep me wired up for eternity. Those cocksuckers don’t deserve life and I won’t be part of saving their sorry asses. Let them writhe in pain like they would have the less fortunate do and DO NOT give my organs to one of these bastards. Give my organs to someone that is less fortunate. Give life to someone that is a good person. Do not give life to someone just because they have more money...

2010-01-07T12:21:00.000-05:00

I haven’t been writing much on the blog lately due to the holidays and also to the amount of time I have been spending in the gym. This weekend I start cutting down for my bodybuilding contest on May 22. I also haven’t been writing because I haven’t been able to concentrate. I think I have a sinus infection and my sinuses are constantly making my eyes tired and I feel like I want to fall asleep all the time. Even as I vow to write I feel my eyes closing…zzzzz….

2010-01-07T11:53:00.002-05:00

So, I was checking out this website on guidos and was getting a good laugh at some of the people on there when low and behold I ran across a guido I know. He goes to my gym and is a bouncer. He is on page 2 of the 2009 Guido of the Week pictures with the Asian girl. Wow, it's a small guido world...

Guidofistpump.com

Check this link out...

2010-01-06T09:40:00.002-05:00

The People of Walmart

Once you see this you will never be the same...

2009-12-30T09:15:00.001-05:00

--Father Time, you are a sick old fuck. What is your end game? Mitochondria faltering, skin sagging, hair graying. You are depicted as a kindly old man with a white beard but I know the truth about you. Under that robe you have a hard on for suffering, for grief, for death. You take everything that was once beautiful and suck the life out of it. I want to cold cock you, knock you out, stop your relentless pursuit of passing time. How about you and me meet at sun up on 2nd Street for an old fashioned dual? Winner takes all…

2009-12-29T11:09:00.001-05:00

Okay, I respect the fact that there need to be child safety caps on medication bottles and cleaning products. I understand that pills need to be foil wrapped and specially designed to foil young children. I have no problem with these measures for people with children. What I have a problem with is having to open these damn bottles and rip through plastic and paper and foil to get at a sinus headache tablet and I don’t have children! What is some wayward baby going to crawl in my house and go for my medicine cabinet? I fucking doubt it. Why can’t I get pill bottles and other containers that open quickly without the lock top and the six inches of foil and plastic? Even my dogs’ heartworm pills are wrapped in some insane layering of foils and plastic that I have to stab at with a butcher’s knife to release. It’s more dangerous for me to try to open this stuff up with sharp implements than it would be for me to have a vitamin bottle lying around without a safety lock cap on it. It’s not like I’m going to take 300 vitamins at one time. Damn, I pity old people with arthritic fingers that have to open this stuff up. It’s not like they usually have toddlers running around the house.

I know, I know, there would be problems if these safety measures weren’t used. Some illiterate numbskull would buy the pill bottle without the safety measures and their stupid baby would eat the whole bottle and die. Then the illiterate numbskull would sue the pill company and win a billion dollars. Even though there were warnings on the bottle not to buy the item if you have children in the house. So, I will probably have to endure these over wrapped and overprotected bottles and packages for the rest of my life. Thanks stupid people…

2009-12-29T10:56:00.000-05:00

I want to thank you for not understanding me. Whew, that was close. If you got me then I would feel quite pedestrian because I would fit into that narrow space between your big ears. Yes, the place where your cherry tomato sized brain resides. I suppose I got away just in time or I might have ended up discussing American Idol or some other equally horrific television show after dinner every night. You see I won’t fit into your narrow classification system, the one you adopted from quizzes in women’s magazines. I transcend your bullshit dear…

2009-12-28T09:59:00.001-05:00

Deep dirt hurt won’t get me in its grimy time. Filthy flip the girly dip and I wash myself of it. Try high the middle thigh and languish in the filth. Go down in muddy shoes and I won’t tell lies…

2009-12-28T09:55:00.000-05:00

I am black like smoke. I can seep under the crack of your door and float up to your ceiling. There my dark soul will hover staring at your naked beauty. No, I will not ogle like a pervert. In my pants my pecker will stay. I will be more like an observer of fine art. Like eying up a Van Gho or Picasso.

Luch happy about Christmas in Iraq

2009-12-22T09:35:00.000-05:00

2009-12-21T09:28:00.001-05:00

So, let me get this straight. We are going to give China money so that they cut greenhouse gas emissions. Uh and where is this money going to come from? We are going to borrow money from the Chinese and then give it to them? So, we will be paying interest on money that we gave them? The Chinese devalue their currency and pay their workers slave wages so they can have cheaper prices than anyone else. They are gaming the system. I’m sorry but if we owe them a trillion dollars they are not a developing country. They should be giving other countries money to help them cut greenhouse emissions. They also took a shitload of money to develop windmills and so forth. It’s time they started spending their own money and stopped devaluing their currency so we owe them money. They are going to make the dollar become worthless.

2009-12-18T09:07:00.001-05:00

-I was human once but now I am anything but. You see the last of what was once me has been drained from my soul. Where did it go? I don’t know for sure but I do know that it isn’t there anymore. Where there was light there is now only darkness. Where there was once hope there is now only dread. I am empty and I am dying. I am a monster. Save me my dear…

2009-12-18T09:06:00.001-05:00

-I sit on the futon typing on my laptop. Around me are notebooks, books, beer bottles, cigar rings, and ash trays filled with ash. A cigar is smoldering in one of the ash trays that looks like a banana. This is where I was meant to be--my mind secluded. Yes, I am alone. Removed from what “normal” people call life; TV, family, responsibility. I ask myself if this was a choice and as much as it was I am convinced it has also been a product of my destiny. Not self-fulfilling mind you but rather something less controllable, something with great reward and yet something that is slowly breaking me down. I just hope there is enough of me left to make it to the finish line. You see the creative mind is self-destructive and while it is driven to create it to is also driven to destroy itself. So please give me hope. Please give me time so that this journey will have been worthwhile because I have nothing else.

- Johnny Cash – I See a Darkness

2009-12-18T08:42:00.000-05:00

Well you’re my friend
And can you see
Many times we’ve been out drinking
Many times we’ve shared our thoughts
But did you ever
Ever notice the kind of thoughts I got
Well you know I have a love
A love for everyone I know
And you know I have a drive to live
I won’t let go
But can you see its opposition
Comes rising up sometimes
That it’s dreadful and position
Comes blacking in my mind

And that I see a darkness
And that I see a darkness
And that I see a darkness
And that I see a darkness
Did you know how much I love you
Is the hope that somehow you can save me from this darkness

Well I hope someday buddy we have peace in our lives
Together or apart
Alone or with or wives
And we can stop our whoring
And pull the smiles inside
And light it forever
And never go to sleep
My best darn beaten brother
This isn’t all I see

All know I see a darkness
All know I see a darkness
All know I see a darkness
All know I see a darkness

Did you know how much I love you
Is the hope that somehow you can save me from this darkness

2009-12-17T09:55:00.001-05:00

I keep thinking which keeps me drinking which leaves me sinking deeper into your past. I tried kicking it all baby, giving up the brain to spite the booze but even without thought my lips went searching for the bottle. They took me places I would have never gone. When they were greased good they would say things to other women that my mind would have never approved of. I am innocent in thought. Trust me my lips are to blame…